Elysium...to dust

Shhhhh....I thought I heard something...

2011-06-10T20:24:00.003+02:00

Searching for traditional ballads and feeling a bit confused. I can't really talk to anyone about it. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't WANT to talk to anyone about it. Fact. Because if I do, I'll be more convinced that I'm wrong. Or maybe not. But I'm sick of taking risks. I'm not the only one, but is it a disease? Is it a mental illness? Can I control it? Will it control me in time? I'm losing my personality in these situations, I'm scared, I'm sick of it, I don't want to react to them anymore. Who understands or BELIEVES a woman anyway? We're weak, "crazy", hysterical, complicated. None of us even has the right to call themselves "normal". But what the fuck IS normal? Please, take your head out of your anus and take a look at yourself. You're just a distorted projection of everything you call crazy. I'm not really addressing this to a specific person, but to lots of people... who just make insecure people feel suicidal. No, don't worry, I don't intend to kill myself even though I'm mostly depressed and I don't really see a future for myself. Is this another weird phase again? Have I ever had something like this? Probably all the time. And it was always because of someone. I don't want to fight anymore, but it's risky to completely give up. What will happen to me? I need my friends. I need my family. I hate being a woman, I hate the way I look, maybe I found the cure.....
He's nice and does things for me, you know...and that's what makes everything so hard. I'm the parasite...the fucking leech that won't go away and I'm too ashamed to go see a therapist.

1000 little kittens. And the guy who just came in had a little Yoda toy on his shoulder.

2011-03-25T17:32:00.003+01:00

5 days left and I'll be celebrating the 1st year of the longest romantic relationship I have ever had in my life. Cool, huh? I never thought it would happen like this. But then again, it would be sad and boring if everything always happened the way we expected it. I learned a lot this past year. Mostly about myself. This year I took some major steps and in a few days I'll take a new one. We're moving in together. I don't like the idea of "oh, you'll see if it works out" that everyone tries to plant into your head. I am positive about it. It's never easy. No matter who you are. It's a situation in which 2 totally different people are involved. It can never run smoothly for an infinite amount of time. But who says it can't be fun?

Toodles.

2010 blog entry fail -_-

2011-01-04T16:55:00.002+01:00

I've been trying to write an entry on 2010 for days now and I don't really think I'll be able to do that... It's a lot harder than last year and 2 years ago. Well, let's just hope I'll post it some time this year. La multi ani!

Beautiful Things....

2010-12-02T23:02:00.003+01:00

Oh GOD, when was this? When? 2006? Is it ok, is it normal to hear a random song that you used to listen to years ago or I don't know and then to burst into tears? I mean, why is it like this? It's not a happy song. But it's an optimistic one. No matter how happy the song is, the moment I realize it's part of my past, my heart breaks. And I feel so horrible, I want it to stop.... it's as if the past isn't part of me anymore...I'm only a mere person standing aside and watching everything happen. It scares me. Why? I really need answers to this one. It's been bothering me my whole life but everyone I talk to about it (mostly in a "ha-ha I've heard this song today and I bursted into tears and fell to the floor...everyone has that, right? hahahha" kind of way) doesn't seem to understand me. Imma go eat my tortellinis now.

Bubbles..............(no relevance between the title and the entry)

2010-09-03T20:40:00.004+02:00

I honestly feel like the most shallow person on the planet. Sorry. I just read a blog entry that a good friend of mine posted last month and I don't know... Even though she's much smarter, better organized, a thousand times more hard working than me, I could never let myself envy her. I admire her so much and for some reason it hurts me a lot when I hear about bad things that are happening in her life. And when something good happens I feel such an extreme happiness and I....I wish her the best in life. We're not as close as we used to be anymore but I still love her and if she'd ever need my help I'd be there for her. From time to time I remember how much I miss her. But then I ask myself... do I miss "her" or just the old times? I don't really care about that. I just want to know that she exists and that there's always a chance that we'll meet up and hang out like old grandmas and talk about our relationships, future plans and immortal memories.

LOL the cleaning lady just came here and she's always telling me to take care of my vajaja because "abstinence would suck for both of you!". She's awesome. And she's 52 years old.

crazy SHIT! --- I really don't know what to do with this blog anymore...

2010-08-07T23:17:00.002+02:00

Duuuuuuuude I soooooo want to type something on this site but I have no inspiration. And I desperately need to pee right now but I SHOULDN'T. Long story, personal stuff, can't explain.

FINE let's talk about...INCEPTION! Nah, don't want to talk about that movie. Yes, it was amazing and I'll definitely see it again when I'm in Romania and yes, I'm one of those people who think that Cobb was dreaming the whole time. YOU WON'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE...so....TITS OR GTFO!

Rise Against is really a cool band. I would like to see my cousin and his daughter. I'm still shocked. I NEEEEEEEED a life right now. What is this strange SATANIC music? Let me check. Oh it's that intro song by xAFBx. CRAZY SHIT! :))))

The Beatles music sounds great at the moment. There's a "Straßenfest" going on outside. Looks cool. Too bad I'm ALL ALONE and rotting in my personal little hell for that.

Calm down, Ioana. You'll see him on Monday. You'll make it 'till then. *shock* What if I don't?! :O

AAAAAAAAA I have so much stuff to do! And no, I'm not talking about cleaning up and doing dishes and buying some stuff for my parents and myself....I have to do some "super important official" stuff :( I hate that SO effin much. Random noise what was that?!

Damn, I missed it because I'm listening to music while lying in bed. My neighbour had sex today. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW gross. I mean I know I shouldn't even DARE to complain but I still find it gross. As long as I'M doing it, it's ok. OMG the guy is still at her place. So there's a possibility that they might have sex again pretty soon. Thank God they're not like us..... I'd hang myself otherwise. I want a kitty

Damn, I love him so much.

WHAAAAAA?

2010-07-27T01:00:00.004+02:00

So...the season of the fall begins...

LOL

not

Yeah so I haven't written in English for a while now...I know my reasons, even if they're idiotic. He's probably NOT reading this stuff but YOU NEVER KNOW.

I don't really feel like posting anything today, it's just that my last post annoys me. It makes me feel sick but I don't really want to delete it so the only solution would be to post as many entries until I can't see it anymore. 3 more days and I'll be exam free! I fucking ADORE the song I'm listening to. Even if it's sad. I'm going to listen to it again. It makes me type like a drunk duck. Fuck even.

CArriooooooooooooooooooonn xDDD

Right. So the thing is that everything in my life is pretty constant. Nothing major is happening. I got a good grade today. That's always a surprise :D

But life is good. I have nothing to complain about. Well I'm kind of BROKE and feeling pressured because of that but at least I'm healthy and loved. That doesn't stop me from buying cigarettes though. HAR HAR STFU. Ok, ok, I didn't buy any today = WIN!

In a moment I've looooost / Taken from the insiiiiideee

ROMANIAAAAAAA I'm cummming inside your vajaja in 2 weeks!

=) Just kidding. But I am coming to see your scarred but pretty face. I missed ya :*

So. Za question iz. For how long can you be in love with someone if you see them very often? Doesn't it start driving you crazy after a few months? I mean the feeling that you're rotting inside. =)))) Ok, that's not the feeling you get but you know what I mean, bro!

The loooooooooooooooooong 18th century in English Literature *love*. Just joking. I fucking HATE IT! Nah, not really. I don't even know what it's about yet. But tomorrow I'll be like a pro. HELL YEAH!

AAAAANGEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (it's just a song I'm listening to)

Alright, honeys, I'll go to bed now.

And remember kids, teh SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS EVIL! Abstinence is the solution to all of your problems. HAHHAHAHHAHHAHA

NOT :| *EXTREMELY serious face*

Fosta lui prietena.

2010-06-21T15:36:00.008+02:00

Hmm. Oare sunt singura care are o problema cu fosta prietena a actualului iubit? Nu cred. Chiar si daca nu o cunosti, numai ideea ca exista si ca probabil il cunoaste mult mai bine pe el decat tine pentru ca au fost mai mult impreuna te scoate din sarite. Afli ca relatia lor nu a fost grozava, se certau tot timpul, sexul cam lipsea si era destul de plictisitor si totusi, au fost impreuna atata timp. Da, nu poti sa te gandesti ca ah, da, cu mine e mult mai bine, are tot ce i-a lipsit pana acum. Sigur erau anumite lucruri pe care el le iubea la ea si din cauza lor trecea peste toate celelalte parti negative.
Bun. Sa zicem ca pe el nu il mai intereseaza problema. Ea i-a dat papucii pentru ca este o jegoasa egoista, emo neinteles (pleonasm, ma scuzati) sau mai simplu, o fata simpla de la tara, care la orice schimbare in viata ei nu mai stie ce sa faca. El a suferit mult timp pentru ca isi imagina ca ea va fi cea cu care isi va petrece restul zilelor, cea cu care va intemeia o familie. O contacteaza, ea nu mai raspunde. I-a spus ca nu il mai iubeste. El inca mai spera. Pe urma te cunoaste pe tine. Si esti un vis. Esti tot ce nu e ea. Bine, in timp descopera si defectele tale, dar toate lucrurile acestea marunte, atata timp cat nu sunt dominante, sunt oarecum necesare pentru a face o relatie mai interesanta. El spune ca nu o mai iubeste. Se poate. Desi nu stiu de ce imi vine atat de greu sa cred ca nu mai are niciun fel de sentiment fata de ea. Macar fata de ce au avut, habar n-am. Trebuie sa mai fie ceva! Si nu, nu ma refer la ura. In fine. Tu il crezi, iti vezi de treaba, totul e frumos. Afli ca ea l-a sunat. Panica. Ea vrea sa stea de vorba, el nu. E bine. Ii trimite un mail. Il citesti (pentru ca el te-a intrebat daca vrei, nu pt ca esti o femeie nebuna care ii stie parolele si ii verifica mailurile, facebook si mai stiu eu ce) si ti se face rau pentru ca se pare ca ea dupa 1001358u0139581 de ani de cand i-a zis "Baiete, m-am mutat la oras, am cunoscut multi oameni, simt ca ma sufoc cu tine, pa." incepe sa realizeze ca ii e dor de el. Probabil ca a trecut printr-un moment nasol de curand si se gandeste des la momentele frumoase din ultimii 4-5 ani petrecuti cu el. Spera ca el sa iasa cu ea la o cafea. "Imi lipsesti." El spune:"O sa-i dau datele contului meu ca sa imi trimita banii pe care mi-i datoreaza." (...) "Daca as mai fi indragostit de ea, mi-as face sperante acum."

Da, cred si eu. Dar din cauza asta o urasc cu adevarat. Urasc cand oamenii fac chestii din astea. Ai fost o gramada de ani cu cineva si nu a mers, e CLAR ca nu o sa mearga niciodata. Dar incerci si incerci si incerci si te chinui ingrozitor de mult si suferi. Si ea tot o sa te calce in picioare. Crezi ca s-a schimbat acum pentru ca dintr-o data s.a transformat intr-o fata de oras? Nu, tot e o vaca ignoranta cu probleme sociale. Desi poate ca nu ar trebui sa-mi fac niciun fel de griji, ea tot reprezinta un pericol pentru mine. Femeile sunt ingrozitoare. Sunt monstri. Dar intr-o astfel de situatie nu as face ce face ea.

Vreau sa zac pe plaja intr-o zi placuta de August......:/

2010-04-30T21:15:00.003+02:00

Hmmm...din nou am senzatia ca nu am cui sa ma destainui. Nu am cui sa cer sfaturi.... Persoanele cu care vreau sa vorbesc nu sunt disponibile si simt ca innebunesc pentru ca am nevoie de suport moral! Nu pot de una singura....devine obositor si pfff...nu stiu. Ma simt trista azi. Mai ales incepand cu ora 3 PM. Nu stiu cum o sa reusesc. Imi vine sa vars. La figurat, desigur =)). De ce esti asa presata? Mmmhhh poate pt ca pentru mine totul e mult mai complicat si o sa mor pe scaunul asta, vreau acasa. Inca 40 de minute. AAAAAAAAAA :((((((((
Sunt plina de ganduri din alea MEGA emo =))))). Bine, las-o asa. Have fun de 1 Mai <3 :)

Dressed to kill, you look so right; I am drunk with lust tonight.

2010-04-02T14:45:00.003+02:00

Pfff...m-am mai simtit vreodata asa? Habar n-am... poate ca pauza asta o sa fie buna? Sper sa nu se schimbe nimic pt el. :D
Ah si ascult numai muzica emo in ultima vreme. Dar e asa placut pt ca am din nou senzatia ca am 18 ani. Si e asa...a never ending youth. Ce dulce eee. Multumesc :)

Pana la urma am postat asta xD - eram la serviciu atunci

2010-03-26T21:03:00.003+01:00

Bun. Decat sa stau si sa ma gandesc si sa nu pot sa ma adun mai bine scriu. Nu o sa arat nimanui asta, dar nu conteaza. Asa. Tipul ala...Aaa parca mi-e jena sa scriu pt ca am impresia ca o sa citeasca cineva. In fine. Vreau sa incerc sa ma conving ca nu are chef de mine si ca vrea sa-mi spuna ca bai, uite cum sta treaba...bla bla bla. Pt ca atunci nu o sa fiu CHIAR atat de dezamagita. Dar totusi, de ce m-a contactat dupa atat timp? Da, pt mine aproape o sapt inseamna o vesnicie. Nu stiu cum sa reactionez. Oare o sa tina minte sa ma sune? Parca era dragut. Nu mai stiu. Stiu ca avea un piercing in buza. Si ca se comporta ca un homosexual. Ce draguuuuuut. =^.^=

Asa, sa fim realisti. N-am nicio sansaaaa si daca am, sigur o sa intervina ceva. Ori din partea lui, ori a mea. In afara de asta...ce dracu facea de unul singur in club? Cum sa te duci intr-un club de unul singur doar pt ca prietenii tai nu vor sa mearga? Adica, inteleg ca ai chef dar e aiurea. Omul nu a vorbit cu nimeni toata seara. Iti creezi o aura dubioasa stand singur. Nu poti sa dansezi pt ca e aiurea si daca stai si te uiti la lume arati ca un violator in serie sau pur si simplu un tip singuratic, probabil pedofil sau criminal care nu are prieteni. E ciudat..bine, nu era multa lume in club dar in mod normal ar fi sarit ceva gagici pe el. Mereu se intampla asa. Pana si cei mai fraieri sunt acostati de tipe. Ma rog, el a cam evitat pe toata lumea. Speram si eu ca se uita la mine si cand trec pe langa el intoarce capul O_O. INTOARCE CAPUL in partea cealalta like "whoa nu pot sa ma uit la tine, hai, treci mai repede". Groaznic. Ma gandeam mda, mi s-a parut ca se uita la mine. Probabil ca se uita la mine pt ca EU ma uitam la el si se intreba ce e cu aia? Ce se tot holbeaza la mine? Ma vrea...pacat ca e pocita. LOL. Ma intreb daca m-a vazut cand m-am pupacit cu Olga. X_X Who knows. Dar cand a zis cati ani are ce reactie a avut parca "hmm...hai sa gasesc ceva care sa o faca pe-asta sa zica ah, esti naspa bai, nu ne potrivim, mie imi plac gnomii de fapt...Ah, am 25 de ani! :/ *sorry, i hope you don't mind*" cu o fatza din aia "am prietena, SCUZE", "am deja ceva de baut, SCUZE", "nu-ti sta bine cu par, SCUZE"...stii?

Vai ma pis pe mine aici nu mai pot. Ma cam strange cureaua. Dar hai ca mai rezist eu 45 de minute. Mai bine nu scriam asta. 45 de minute! Iisuse! xD Imi place sa zic Iisuse. Suna asa dramatic. Vaiiiiiii oare ce are sa-mi zica? Japonezul ala nu mai vine. Asta e. Probabil ca nu o sa ne vedem niciodata. Nu ca eu as fi avut vreo intentie sa il vad IRL dar daca tot s-a ivit ocazia uai nat? Trece cam greu timpul. Nu-mi place. Sunt paroasa. Najpa. Poate zice Janoooo hai la discotheque avec moaie! Si io nu pot Ioane ca am per pe maini! Slaaabe sanse. Slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe rau. (3,14)² striga vezica mea. Imi pare rau, darling, trebuie sa le servesc patria la ajtia. O singura persoana vorbeste la telefon in cladirea asta acum. I can has toilets? 21:21 Termina-te bai ca-mi strici freza. Da, hai ca a trecut. E si 22. Daca e, la fara un sfert ma duc la baie. Nu se poate. Si n-am chef sa sun pe nimeni sa le zic iar, fietilor, ma duc si je la baie, pot sa pun tielifonu pe redirectionare apeluri? Aha, gracias darling. Sunt o printesa. Nu pot sa dezvalui adevarurile dureroase din spatele acestei masti perfecte. Nu vorbeste nimeni la telefon. Pot sa plec? :) Inca 20 de minute. Vai ce mult!

Dun dun dun! dramatic

2010-03-14T23:28:00.005+01:00

Have you ever watched a movie or something similar in a language you don't understand and without subtitles and during a dramatic scene where someone starts crying you can't help but cry too and feel for the character? It's fascinating! I guess it's called good acting but that's not what I'm trying to say here. A few days ago I took a cab to work and the driver was Serbian. Friendly guy. We started talking about the languages of the world and how odd they are and that even if we don't understand each other through words, we still are the same. And we understand the body language and bla bla I don't want to get into this. It's one of those topics that lots of people write on and everybody knows something about it and it's not hard to figure out how it works. But yeah, I was moved by a scene in a TV Series episode and after feeling like I was about to burst into tears I realized that "hey, I don't even know what they were arguing about but she looked extremely hurt and she never cried during the series and the other guys there were like WHOA, she can cry! which means that this is a special intense moment and the guy who yelled at her looks like he feels sorry for what he did but he won't apologize yet." It was probably the background music too, which I didn't notice but I'm sure was there. *sigh*

I have to go to work tomorrow. And then go back to being anti-social.

Peace!

No offense, but your friends keep turning up dead.

2010-02-11T01:12:00.003+01:00

"She nearly ran into the person standing in the hall. Her gaze jerked up, off her own feet, to take in fashionably ratty deck shoes, some foreign kind. Above that were jeans, body hugging, old enough to look soft over hard muscles. Narrow hips. Nice chest. Face to drive a sculptor crazy: sensuous mouth, high cheekbones. Dark sunglasses. Slightly tousled black hair. Bonnie stood gaping a moment.

Oh, my God, I forgot how gorgeous he is, she thought. Elena, forgive me; I'm going to grab him.

"Stefan!" she said."

Things that tend to look the same? Or just bad timing. (+movie trailers at the end)

2010-01-22T17:06:00.010+01:00

Ok. As much as I hate these:

Paris, Cathedral of Notre Dame

Chartres, Cathedral of Notre Dame

Reims, Cathedral of Notre Dame

Bayeux, Cathedral of Notre Dame

I pretty much find annoying all these new movies that will hit the cinemas this year. Don't you have the impression that they all tend to be the same? Well at least the trailers do. It seems that we're such a depressed folk that we desperately need to dive into some sort of a fantasy world which obviously involves lots of fighting and sweating in wars. Oh and mythology. And the music in the trailers!!! It's like they just discovered that heavy guitar riffs go perfectly with action scenes put in slow motion and then sped up. I mean I'm excited to see these movies, I'm not going to lie. Still, it bugs me. And is Sam Worthington going to be the main character in every awesome movie from now on? I really like him but it's hard for me to switch my brain from one story to another having the same face in front of my eyes.

Here are the magnificent trailers:

1. Clash of the Titans

2. The Season of the Whitch

3.Robin Hood

4. Solomon Kane

5. Prince of Persia

6. Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Some old things I wrote in a notebook

2010-01-09T12:35:00.003+01:00

12 Sept. 2008

Ce de motociclisti pe autostrada.
Anberlin.
August evenings bring solemn warnings to remember to kiss the ones you love good night.

Succes. Succes?! Asta a fost tot? Dupa atatia ani? Dar presupun ca asa se termina tot. Cu un cuvant banal. Pa. Bafta. Te pup. Succes.

Nine in the Afternoon. Song of the year.
Abia astept sa ajung acasa. In Oberbilk. M-am razgandit. Cred ca vreau sa raman in Germania. Insa nu am precizat cu cine.

Parca e mai bine asa. Oh, Cinema Bizarre. Stai. Ce vis am avut?! Cine era ala?! Mai blond, asa. L-am intrebat stanjenita daca e vampir si el a zis razand ca da. Asa in stilul " Evident ca sunt, nu ti-ai dat seama pana acum?"
Awkward! Da. Normal ca exista vampiri. Sunt pur si simplu oameni cu anumite preferinte si placeri diferite de cele ale "colectivului". Oamenii tind sa exagereze cand povestesc intamplari. Si asa s-a ajuns la tot felul de monstri.

Hmmm.
Stefan, Dan, Remus, tipul ala dubios, Cum il chema pe ala?, Flo, ala cu dreaduri, P, Mihnea o_O wtf?! Bleah. Nu mai. Never. Everything is average nowadays. Cred ca Marcus m-ar injunghia din cauza asta. Sau mi-ar da foc =). Thank God he's in Salisbury.

Ce tot cade pe mine?! Ah, esarfe. Kippen!! Ba nu. Vreau un pat nou.
Blah. Stiu ca nu ma place. O inteleg ffff bine. Dar e asa o chestie...te urasc dar imi place de tine cand ma bagi in seama si te iubesc cand ma asculti si purtam discutii de suflet.

Tocmai a cazut un album foto peste mine. Ma doare bratul. M-a injurat cineva.
Sheeeee isn't real.... I can't make her real..... Bine. Kris.

"Urasc ziua asta de tipul 26:2=13" =))))) O gandisem mult pe-asta atunci.

Brusc, vreme oribila. NRW sux anus. Dar asezarea orasului asta e ideala. Intr-o zona aglomerata de orase mari, aproape de 3 granite si de UK.

Au ramas urme de la basicile facute de sandalele alea negre. Dar a fost o zi/seara draguta. Exceptand faza cu Irina x_X.

"Mergeti 3km, pe urma, si parasiti autostrada." =)))

16°C afara. O_O. Vreme de Noiembrie.

Inca un sfert de ora si ajung acasa. Trebuie sa imi ingrijesc bronzul. Hmmm...ce o sa fac cand o sa vina Calin? Pe unde sa-l duc? Eh, o sa incerc sa fiu spontana :DDD Abia astept.
Uhhh va trebui sa ma intalnesc cu Olli intr-o zi. Nu i-am zis lui Igor la multi ani de ziua lui O_O. Uh-oh. O sa-l sun.

My stalker is still out there somewhere. Cine naiba o fi?!

_____________________________________________________________________

Sunt in biblioteca. Urasc momentele cand te uiti in jurul tau si observi ca tipa care sta la masa alaturata are un pulover LA FEL ca al tau. Bine, al ei e un gri mai deschis. Si ea e naspa, iar eu sunt o printesa superba. Gata, m-am linistit. Back to the wonderful revision.
505 va fi dulapul meu cat timp stau pe-aici. Asta daca nu or sa mi-l ocupe altii. Blah, ce naspa e sa fii singur aici. Adica e plin de studenti, dar nimeni cunoscut. Oh nu, cred ca se apropie tipa cu puloverul. O aud dupa cum isi tot curata gatul. Smexy. Ah, nu vine. Joy. E pretty naspa tipul ala care fuma...ce fuma? Lucky Strike sau Marlboro. Poate crede ca il urmaresc. Nah, s-a asezat strategic langa WC-ul fetelor. El ma urmareste =). Ok, cu siguranta nu. Facultatile sunt pline de coincidente. Eu chiar nu credeam ca cineva imi citeste blogul. Adica vad un nr de oameni care mi l-au vizitat, dar...in fine. =) Multumesc persoanei care citeste acum aceasta fraza in acest moment. Un *muah* lipicios. Eww. Din ala cu lipgloss care ramane pe obraz. Dar nu sunt data cu nimic pe buze.

"Mehr Leistungen für Menschen mit Demenz...
Fachjournal des bad e.V. background
August 4/2008"

_______________________________________________________________________

Nu stiu cat o sa mai rezist aici.
Nu gasesc puterea de a ma convinge ca poate e mai bine asa.
- Ce imi doresc?
- Cand a inceput sa se intunece atat de devreme?
- Am un zid in fata (la propriu si la figurat)

Yogi Bear - Boomerang

Nu vreau sa fiu realista. Realismul nu te face fericit.
Am realizat ieri ca daca as avea acum foarte multi bani, nu m-as simti mai bine.
Money instead of happiness - PANICA (m-am speriat de un om in curte X_X)
Nu ma pot obisnui. Mirosul...nu e ce caut, nu e ce vreau, nu e acasa.
Trebuie sa-i scriu aluia. Navy. Frate. Nu stiu, nu cred ca as avea curajul sa ma bag la asa ceva. Dar are un vis si are sansa sa si-l urmeze. Eu ce vis am? Nu am. Visez tot timpul, dar mereu e alta poveste, alta situatie, alt viitor.
Same as 5 years ago. August, Take this Bottle, lacrimi peste lacrimi.
Throat-decay.

*note from the present (a.k.a. 09.01.2010): Si acum urmeaza poezia inspirata de ce am scris mai sus. Nu o sa o scriu aici, o gasiti pe Writers-Network.com

_______________________________________________________________________

Fortune cookie messages:

1. You are a splendid tactician.
2. Wisdom can be given from one generation to the other.
3. Do you always need what you want?
4. You will overcome many difficulties without great problems.
5. An unexpected present will please you.

FASCINANTTTT!

Old English Poetry

2010-01-05T16:11:00.007+01:00

Exeter Riddles

I'm a strange creature, for I satisfy women,
a service to the neighbours! No one suffers
at my hands except for my slayer.
I grow very tall, erect in a bed,
I'm hairy underneath. From time to time
a beautiful girl, the brave daughter
of some churl dares to hold me,
grips my russet skin, robs me of my head
and puts me in the pantry. At once that girl
with plaited hair who has confined me
remembers our meeting. Her eye moistens.

2009

2010-01-01T12:47:00.010+01:00

January

Aloxa's New Years' Costume Party. Morticia. The first time I got REALLY drunk and lost my conscience and had to throw up O_O. And I kissed a random guy, although I was 100% sure that I didn't! Oh boy. I loved the next morning. Relaxed, nice sincere talk with my best friend. I miss her so much. I wish we could talk more but distance is a problem no matter what. Then I came back home to Düsseldorf and had to study for my last chance exam. Nothing special, I was drifting apart from my friends.

February

My last encounter with Economics. Fucked everything up. Went to Romania at the end of the month. Nothing special.

March

Still in Romania. I think it's a general rule that the most awesome things happen at the end of something. When you're about to leave. I was getting closer to the darkest period of my life. So this month was the BEST until December. I went out a lot, especially in El Comandante. Stefan introduced me to some germans. One of them was more interesting to me. Bla bla whatevs. I really liked him. But I was thinking too far. I'm a pretty realistic person but in this case I thought "hey, if you feel something, let it out! Don't analyse everything! Just go with the flow!". Bad idea :D. Oh and before that I met lots of nice people.

April

First 4 days, awesome. The rest... TONS of cigarettes, alcohol. Oh, and I was by myself while consuming all of that. Blood and a new road. What to do? English and Art History. Perfection. The only problem was that I could only start studying A.H. in October. So I took some English courses (Grammar, Translation, Literature, etc.). Tooootally different people there. And hundreds of girls. Met some nice people but it was difficult. It was hard to make new friends at that time. They were all in the 2nd semester and they already knew each other. The groups were already formed. There was only ONE cute guy there. From the ones that studied English. But I was 100% sure that he would never ever ever ever talk to me.

May

I was desperately looking for a job. The problem is that not only am I picky when it comes to boys, I'm picky about every fucking thing on this planet. So no degrading jobs (I'm not talking about prostitution, OBV. There are other jobs that make you feel like total shit and you KNOW you're smarter than that and that you could do so much better). No luck with that and I only went to uni 2 days a week. The rest was filled with the magnificent and productive act of wasting time.

June

The summer time was approaching! I could only think about my wonderful summer vacation that I would spend in Romania. Same routine. Going to uni, doing nothing, playing music from time to time, watching my hair grow and trying to lose weight. The last part isn't something new. At the end of the month a consulting company contacted me and asked me to come to an interview. I was in total shock. Firstly, because I never thought that I would get such a chance and secondly because I knew that if I started working, I wouldn't be able to stay in Romania for a longer period of time than 10 days.

July

At the beginning of the month nothing, then work! To be honest this job was the best thing that happened to me this year. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. Bla bla, nothing special, next.

August

Exam, good grade,joy. Went to Romania for 10 days. Went to the seaside, stayed in 2Mai. It was very relaxing. Vama Veche wasn't as awesome as it was a year before, nothing will ever top that. That's a lie. I have no idea what will happen in the future. Met some weird people, I was pissed off most of the time. Yay for me. Met with Ale, I miss her again. Why do all people make the same mistakes? I mean girls with guys. You meet a guy, he drives you crazy, you can't keep your hands off him but he has a girlfriend. He's a jerk because he makes you feel like YOU are the one and not her but that's obviously not true. He'll go back to her. It's just that he's going through a weird time in his relationship and wants to clear his mind somehow. So he finds comfort in little you and breaks your heart. Fuck em. Just be careful next time and don't get fooled so easily. "It's a repeat and it's getting old".

September

Hmm, what the hell happened in September? Apart from work. Nothing? I guess so. I know that I was eagerly waiting for uni to start. I was super excited.

October

UNI! New people, chaos, not so awesome :/. I loved the things I learned there, still love them. Fascination. Went out sometime, met this weird guy in Pretty Vacant, Eisenhart! Cool name, huh? =)))

November

I just kept on meeting new people. Met this guy, Aaron who's mostly a prick but what can you do? Thank God he's not my type, or I would be dead by now. I fell in love with Heath Ledger again.

December

Fun times. Holy fuck I'm 21. Ok apart from that. Heath Ledger will never get out of my head. Met another guy who looks amazing but doesn't study and apparently he can't speak English. I just hope that's a stupid joke. If it's true, I dunno, I'm sorry for him. Went out with friends, uni ended, had to write my first essay and make a presentation. Fail. Fun times, weird guys hahhahaha. You gotta love Stone. My parents came here, it was nice but time went by too fast. Met the guy I used to find interesting at uni in April (in Stone, of course). He's amazing. And the year ended with me looking like Bella in that scene in Twilight where she wakes up because Edward is waiting outside for her next to his car and she gets up, goes to the window, looks at him like an alcoholic at their favourite drink and shakes her head like "Holy Mother and Jesus, this isn't real. It's all a dream, whoa. OMG. I. have. nothing. to. say. Huh. Ok. I have to do stuff now." Yeah. Annoying.

I haven't made any resolutions for 2010. But they would be the same as last year:

1. Lose weight
2. Pass the exams with good grades
3. Make good friends
4. Continue to have a good job
5. Have more money
6. Maybe have a REAL boyfriend. I mean not like a stupid fling
7. Have a healthy family

I'm so hungry I could eat a baby.

2009-12-30T15:05:00.004+01:00

Ok, now I'm angry. I had this in the back of my mind but I hoped that it's not possible. Oh, but it is! It always was and always will be. I'm the fucking donkey. That stupid promise I made to myself in the 12th grade still doesn't apply. Well it worked that year. Shockingly. Maybe I should put a new one on a wall here somewhere. It seems that writing stuff down works better. I'm also at a weird time of the month which makes me FURIOUS right now. I'm making sooo many mistakes in this post. C'est la vie. Whoa I'm super angry. I can't focus on anything. I'm angry because I feel like a fool. It's kind of affecting my ego. In a negative way. It's like....I didn't even really care about all this shit but now I'm starting to care. It's not that bad. Not yet. I hope it'll remain like this. 'Cause then it will just disappear. I'm kind of getting used to this type of situations. And I hate them to death!!!! Fuck it. At least I have a backbone. I'm not a fucking amoeba. All gooey and dull and lazy and UGH! Annoying! OMG. What if no one's going to go out tonight? Because tomorrow is the 31st? Shit. Oh well. Less people, more air to breathe. *sigh* Go to hell.

Caffeine in my brain

2009-12-30T11:26:00.005+01:00

I got a bit scared the day before yesterday when I realized an idiotic thing. It's funny how we can never know everything about ourselves and our reactions to certain things. I was talking to a friend about a party he went to and about the fact that his friends started doing cocaine at some point. And he was like "I would never do drugs.". And I didn't say anything because I thought that if I would've been there, I would have wanted to try them. !!!! What the hell? The sad part is that those thoughts came into my head automatically. I wasn't thinking too much about what I would do. I just imagined everything and it seemed pretty realistic. Thank God I'm not a rockstar. I would've been dead by now if I were. Maybe it's just a phase? I've been acting pretty crazy lately. I started smoking in front of my parents. But that just gives me the feeling of being very sick. Mentally.
Again, I have no idea what I want. We'll see tonight, when all hell will break loose. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! I'm happy for a reason and stressed for another. Actually it's all fucked up. So typicall. And it's so funny that all these stupid things happen because of me! It's always MY fault! And even when I know I should stop, I don't want to! Because at that point I'm feeling good and that's always nice. But I'm not alone on this planet, I affect other people too. Ok, in the other case I hope I won't be the one too affected. But it's still my fault. I miss Mihnea. Though that was another complicated story. All the special people I've met in my life fucked me up. I'm not completely crazy yet. So, freaks (I mean that in a nice way, of course. Normal is fucking boring when you're young), feel free to mess up my brain and we'll have lots of fun together.

Another post will follow soon with a recap of the year 2009.

xoxo

2009-12-06T19:10:00.003+01:00

Nu mai pot. Trebuie sa scriu sau ceva, nu stiu, vreau sa scap de toate senzatiile astea. In decursul a 5 minute trec prin toate starile posibile. Ma gandesc la ceva, imi vine sa plang, pe urma se intampla ceva pozitiv dar totusi ciudat si imi vine sa zambesc pe urma imi amintesc ca nu pot sa am incredere si ma intristez din nou pe urma imi vine sa rad din cauza nu stiu carei situatii si imi amintesc de o gramada de lucruri pe care trebuie sa le rezolv si tot asa. Ma simt ca o vaza usor crapata. Totul se misca prea repede. Sunt putin entuziasmata acum. Dar in acelasi timp ma simt ca si cand m-as fi despartit de cineva la care tineam extrem de mult. Acum mi-a trecut pt ca m-am uitat putin la Rock of Love 29745092592. Best brain washing show ever. Imi vine sa le macelaresc pe alea. Si lui Bret Michaels sa-i mutilez organul genital.

Confusing love with fascination. I have to cut my fingernails. "Du siehst so gepflegt aus." Ewwwwwwww fucking PERV. I need Kippen. I don't know what to do. Should I go buy some or just make something to eat and try to forget about it or both? Let me have a look inside my wallet.

Desperation

2009-11-28T16:02:00.007+01:00

Don't you just hate it when you remember some people you used to hang out with or just see on a regular basis, but you didn't really know them. I mean, you knew their first name and what they do or where they come from and you would exchange some random insignificant words with them. But you would always be fascinated by them and think that they would never be interested in you and that they don't even know you exist. You're like everybody else to them and you don't even TRY to get closer to them and you keep on watching them from a distance....dreaming. And then, when it's too late and they're gone, you find out that they actually cared about you and felt the same way as you did. And they always noticed you. So once you find that out you FREAK OUT and try to find them but you arrive there at the wrong moment. Then your whole life changes and you drift away from your group of friends, everything just turns to dust and you move on. Years later you remember that person you used to desperately want to be closer to and try to find them and get in touch with them and you SUCCEED. But again, it's too late. It's so late that you just can't go back. Small talk, bad timing..fate? And so you wake up from time to time having flashbacks that only give you heartaches and zero hope.

Let's all burn in heaven.

2009-11-23T09:30:00.002+01:00

I don't get it. I HONESTLY don't get it. What is wrong with you people??? 5 more years! FIVE MORE FUCKING YEARS! Do you know what that means? Don't you want a change? Why are you so afraid? Why are you so comfortable? You ignorants! You are just a bunch of lazy ass ignorants! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU with all my grey little heart! I'm starting to truly believe that I was born in the wrong time period. I'm so sorry for my parents. I don't think they'll ever get to live through better times. How can you try to see a bright future in front of you when you're constantly haunted by your home country and the shit that's going on in there. It's not like there's nobody fighting for the right thing, it's just that they don't have enough power to do so. And we don't seem to be confident enough. We're afraid to take chances, to risk. "What's the point? We'll still lose anyway..." Yeah. Nice way of thinking, asshole. I'm sick of feeling sad. But I guess I'll have to get used to this. I think the fact that the world is beautiful is just an illusion. It's just a dream.

I still want you back

2009-11-01T21:15:00.007+01:00

RIGHT NOW I don't care about what people look like. I know this won't last long, but it's good that I could somehow bring myself to feeling this way. To stop being so judgmental all the time. It's like...life is suddenly a bit easier..lighter...more positive. I'm ashamed for being so mean all the time. Even though tomorrow I will have forgotten about this feeling, I know that I'll have it kept here in this blog for a while.

BTW, the title DOES have something to do with what I just wrote. It's not about the meaning of the words, but where they come from...umm..it's complicated.

"Dating an older woman. HOT!"

2009-10-31T15:10:00.004+01:00

Hahhahaha I love Emmett! (the title is from the latest New Moon clip. I posted it in here)

Apart from that I recently came across another TV series involving vampires. At first I was skeptical, but then I became addicted! It's called The Vampire Diaries and it's made after a series of novels written by L.J. Smith. BTW, these came out before Twilight, but the stories are somewhat similar. Actually no. L.J.'s story is EXTREMELY complicated. Somehow crowded. The 6th novel in this series will be out in March 2010. If you don't live in the US and want to watch the episodes (this week the 7th episode of the 1st season came out), go to http://www.sidereel.com/Vampire_Diaries .

Here's the extended trailer. It's mostly made out of scenes from the pilot.

I know, it looks boring and sooo last summer but it's not. There are always unexpected things happening.

Lucifer is in my pants but I want Mike Patton instead

2009-10-29T11:35:00.004+01:00

I don't think I should be writing/typing stuff in here right now. But I just can't get rid of this feeling that I'm about to lose something, that I'm about to fall hard. It's getting stronger day by day. !!! I'm having panic attacks from seeing that dead house cricket from yesterday in my head! I'm such an IDIOT! And apart from that, I should be focusing on other things right now. I just remembered that Monday in Spanish we were listening to a song and we had to say which picture goes with which verse, etc. and there was this drawing of the face of a guy and on his forehead (as to show what's in his head) was a grasshopper!! Maybe it's a sign. Brrr. Scary. I still want to marry Mike Patton. It's almost November. Joy. I want time to pass. Even though I know that I'm getting closer and closer to the day I'll die. I don't know what I want. Wait I have to finish this assignment. It's ridiculous that I've been working on it for almost 2 hours. COME ON! I'm so slow lately.

E groaznic cand sunt singura in birou!!! Oh, de ce scriu in romana? =))))

Sorry, I'm still trying to learn to switch my brain from German to English directly. I guess it's never going to work. Oh well. Romanian is my #1 love no matter what. One of them. Oh. A colleague of mine is coming to the office. Joy. I think. De fapt prefer sa fiu singura decat sa fiu cu ala aici. In fine. Yeah so I'll stop and get something to drink and think about what I want to eat later. And continue working of course. LALALALA. An "L" person loves me (because it's 12:00 PM). Lucifer. Nice. Lestat. Lucius. Leprechaun. Lesbian. Lawrence. xD

WTH should I type in here?

2009-10-14T22:54:00.004+02:00

First of all, I will NOT try to type corectly today. So if you see more mistakes than usual, it's because I'm taking too many language courses atm and because I'm SO BORED I could kill a squirrel.

Even though I hate parts of my trip to Romania from last Spring, there are some nice ones that are stuck inside my head. They are so peaceful and beautiful... I remember...one morning. It was 6 AM and I couldn't sleep any longer so I turned on my computer and started watching the first season of The City. Ah, how I love sunny mornings! That show made me feel so confident about my future and everyone in it looked so good and was so fashionable and stuff (I know it's typicall for an MTV show, but I'm not focusing on that). And then I started watching The Vampire Knight. It's an anime thingy. I had only watched 2 other animes before: Sailor Moon and something with a volleyball player...let me google it...OH Attack No. 1! Ok, I had no idea. Anyway I was very young back then. Vampire Knight...I LOVED that anime. And the intro songs :))). I want to start watching it again. It takes me back to those pleasant moments... My hair was longer, I was starting to lose weight, and I was very happy because of some random IDIOT (if I see him again, I'll grab the first rock I see and break his teeth with it). Good times. I think I remember that period of time with lightness and postivity because after that I entered this MAJOR depression. I'm still not out of it. FUCK.
I love Italian. No matter what the teacher says to me.

I just heard a woman screaming somewhere outside.

2009-10-10T23:52:00.006+02:00

Ok. If you're not in my Facebook friends list, then you're probably thinking that I've died. Which is not far from the truth, but still not so exact. Uni will (officially) start on Monday. Oh how exciting!

In the past 2-3 months I've been working, thinking, reading, smoking, drinking, listening to a lot of avant-garde music and watching amazing and weird ass movies. I'm trying to expand my artistic abilities. That's it really. My place is a mess. Didn't get the chance to clean it up properly in a while. I've been too busy meditating.

00:00 Now I'll be eaten by angry ghosts with long fingernails and white eyes while imaginary blood is dripping from their long white slightly ripped dresses. Oh and they must have wonderful hair. Blonde or black, long, healthy, perfect. And they must have that confident smile on their faces.

I'm gonna go back to my book now. My mom doesn't really approve of me reading books involving Satan and his horde of mighty men and beasts during the night. Oh well. It's not like THAT anyway. It's just a story in another story.

Bye

2009-09-14T14:05:00.002+02:00

I'm not part of this world.
I'm not part of this world.
I'm not part of this world.
Calm down. It's ok. It's just the beginning.
But I feel like such a loser!
I REALLY need to sit down and think about what I definitely WANT to do in the future. Make a concrete list. Fuck the past, FUCK youth, I don't fucking need all that shit. It's gone forever. My innocence has been flushed down the toilet.
I wonder how I would react if it wouldn't be about the money?
I'm at the beginning of everything. "It's a repeat and it's getting old."
READ READ READ. FUCKING READ. Less than a month left. You HAVE to be one of the best. So be prepared.
I pretty much hate that guy. I'm somehow jealous but at the same time I wouldn't want to work in this branch. So why am I so angry? Oh, money. Right.

Mike Patton movie.

2009-09-12T01:10:00.000+02:00

<a href="http://www.joost.com/1598zqq/t/Firecracker">Firecracker</a>

2009-08-26T18:36:00.004+02:00

Drowning in the smell I don't recognize
That wall is in my face - growing
Panic
Money instead of happiness
My throat - decay
"It's ok, let's just be friends"
If only I could break your legs and run - laughing.
In everyone lies a boomerang
Waiting to binge and purge mistakes
So spit it out and I...
Well I'll just take a walk in the sea
While the dream is choking me.
Laughing. Darkness. Laughing....wait.
What did I always want?
Since when is the day so short?
Forgot about it all.
I'll let that lifeless face become me.

Jurnal din 2004 cand eram metalista adevarata (ceea ce nu inseamna ca parerile pe care le aveam atunci sunt valabile si astazi dar mi se pare amuzant)

2009-08-10T21:01:00.005+02:00

Marti, 17.08.2004

"Plus je souffre, plus je sens l'energie de supporter." (Catherine Mansfield)

(Last Cup of Sorrow)

Sincer nu prea imi vine sa scriu, dar simt nevoia sa vorbesc. Singura ar fi aiurea, asa ca fac asta. Stau/Stam la o pensiune in Rucar - "Roata Norocului". E frumos aici, curte mare si o panorama fantastica. Ma vad zburand intr-o noapte peste tot verdele asta...cu atatea nuante diferite... Si ce de gaini in curte! Moaaaa...m-am saturat. Acum a trecut un camion cu pietre. Acum altul...cu lemne. Si e un catel Timi. Mic, pufos si jucaus. Dar are niste coltisori asa de ascutiti...sunt plina de taieturi.

(Mouth to Mouth)

Haha. Parca m-a zgariat o pisica. Si ce aer curat imi umple plamanii. Si iar simt cum plutesc. Ce sentiment placut...

Acum stau la o masa din curte. Rosie, cu doua bancute mai mari decat alea verzi din parcuri. Si ele rosii. Privesc vila in care stam. Alba, ramele geamurilor sunt tot rosii, usa de lemn si de la mansarda in sus e numai lemn.

Inauntru e plin de trofee si de blanuri de animale. Nu mai tin minte exact ce animale sunt, dar o sa scriu si asta mai tarziu.

(Be Aggressive)

Incep sa se adune nori pe cer si bate vantul din ce in ce mai tare.

Imi trimisese Oana mesaj ca ieri s-au implinit 3 luni de cand e cu Vic si ca i-a facut cadou un teddy bear super sweet. Hmmm...Pe 21 se implinesc si la mine 3 luni...dar ce folos? Nici nu simt ca sunt cu ---. Citeam "Panza de Paianjen" si usor usor incepeam sa-l aseman pe Alex, cel din carte, cu ---. Asa cum DIana incepea sa-l vada pe Petre Barbu in Alex Dobrescu. Acum vine tata usor spre mine. Cred. Si ma...am uitat ce vroiam sa spun.

(Cuckoo for Caca)

Acum pleaca tata. M-a intrebat ce scriu si ce ascult. Cica ce raspunsuri:

T: Ce scrii?

I: Scriu.

T: Ce asculti?

I: Ascult.

LOOOL...din mine iese o prostie tupeista. Si ma apasa pe degete. Si acum scriu din prostie...si Patton imi urla in ureche, ca un copil strangulat. Si imi amintesc de maraielile de la Constanta, de Flopo. As vrea sa fie ea aici...

SHIT LIVES FOREVER!

Dapp...it does...si devine ingrasamant si noi il mancam....:D....pe bune! Fara sa realizam. Timi doarme. Bunica citeste langa mine ziarul. Mama cred ca face "plaja" cu Doina. Acum a venit gazda. Sotul. E un om bun. Amandoi sunt. Tineri si frumosi. Cristina si Catalin parca.

(Born to be my Baby)

Ma pufneste rasul cand ma gandesc ce vise aveam io...cu Mike Patton...haha. Imaginatie bogata. Si pasta, adica gelul acestui pix se va termina.

(Edge of the World)

Nu vreau sa fiu violata. N-E-V-E-R. Duh. Cine ar vrea? Asta e cantecul pedofilului vesel. Nu stiu de ce vesel, dar daca ai ce vrei, esti vesel.

"If what you want is what you need

Then what you need is what you really really want."

Ce versuri. Logic si tampit. Imi amintesc de Aloxa cand zicea la Cheia: "Daca mi-e somn ma culc. Daca nu mi-e somn nu ma culc."

In spatele meu sunt 2 salcii mari si frumoase si ma mai trezesc uneori lovita peste ceafa de ceva. Si nu stiu ce. Acuma stiu.

(The Waste)

LoL. Vorbind de versurile alea. Nice Mr. Patton. Great song si SEPULTURA chiar sunt tari.

Acuma a venit Jean si a pus mancarea pe cealalta banca. Nu mai scrie pixu' bine. Acum a venit iar Doina. Mda.

"I'm WASTED and I keep falling over with your head on my shoulder"...

Tare. Nu mai scrie pixul! Asa acuma merge. Uite-o pe Mutter. Ia o fiola de Algocalmin. Vreau sa cant la chitara. Si MARMOTA INVELEA CIOCOLATA IN STANIOL. MMMM...staniol... :>>

(Ashes to Ashes)

Imi aminteste de mare intr-un fel melodia asta. In alt fel de Köln.

Ma vad stand in fata marii si zambind...pe fundal melodia asta...zambesc dar sufar. Singura dar...acum am intrat in camera. Stau pe pat si scriu pe genunchi.

Give the same to me and I'll be closer... Mda. .. ---!!! de ce nu ma bagi in seama???

Smiling with the mouth of the ocean

And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain.

(Zombie Eaters)

Si ma gandeam la ---, in Köln si ascultam melodia asta...ma inveseleste o tristete adanca. Ma simt nenorocoasa. Dar mai am mult de trait si de invatat. Acum as vrea sa ma culc si sa astept sa vina cineva sa ma ia, sa ma ridice, sa ma ia in brate si sa imi mangaie inima... "Ce ai?" Ma gandeam la ce zicea Alin de Vic: ...Vic e frumos, dar fragil.

Dar asta nu are legatura cu mine.

"So now you listen, 'cause I'm omniscient"

Ma doare din nou capul si am simtit un junghi undeva in creier care mi-a trezit amintirea casei 4711, a domului, a garii din Köln, a Arcadei, a strazii Vorgebirgstr., Homburgerstr. 16, 200... Lacrosse, Lukas, Aaron, Francesco, Denis, Reiner, Eugen, Ann-Kathrin, Franzi, Nina, Marius, Michael, Johannes, brutaria din Arcada de unde luam Oberländer Brot sau unde mai stateam sa mananc o belegtes Brötchen mit Käse. Si Mihai isi lua o apa minerala si dura o vesnicie pana o termina. Si Kaiser's, Aldi, KD, si acum ma duc sa mananc. 15:22.

Am revenit dar cred ca ma duc la TV. Werbung. Ma uit pe RTL care se vede ca dracu. Dar macar e germana...LOL...granini

- Hi! Wie war dein Tag?

- Lecker.

Mah! Cine naiba imi tot da mesaje?! Jesus! N-am mai fost asa bagata in seama niciodata! Si acum nu se mai vede RTL-u...

(...)

(RV) 18:16

...a murit Timi acum o ora...l-a calcat o masina...

I HATE YOU! TALKIN' TO MYSELF

EVERYBODY'S STARIN' AT ME

I'M ONLY BLEEDIN'....

De ce a murit????????? Acum am ramas marcata...am pe mine urmele unui catel care a murit...sa mori cand esti mic e groaznic! N-ai apucat sa traiesti...nush sa...treci prin mom diferite ale vietii...era prea mic...Doamne! De ce? Acum ma gandesc la Cioran...ca zicea ca noi ne amintim de Dumnezeu cand ni se intampla ceva rau...si sincer, cam asa e...As plange acuma dar nu pot caci sunt cu bunica in camera. Imi zvacnesc tamplele...schimb melodia. Ma enerveaza (Malpractice). Si asta ma enerveaza (Ugly in the Morning).

(Digging the Grave)

Ce dracu ma? Ahh...durere...aiurea...Daca as fi Mircea m-ar durea in pula. Moaaa...KKT? ____in momente ca astea ma gandesc...dar daca muream eu? Dar nu as putea sa mor...daca as vrea sa ma sinucid as fi o egoista. Nu m-as gandi la cei ce ar suferi...de fapt daca vreau sa ma sinucid inseamna ca eu cred ca nimeni nu tine la mine...asa ca, e un cacat totul. As fugi acum. Oriunde numai sa fug...departe, undeva unde stiu ca nu mai am nicio grija....unde, dreaq, as fi fericita!

(...)

Miercuri, 18.08.2004

Ma uit din nou la RTL. E Das Jugend Gericht.

Am fost la Bran dar nu am vizitat castelul ca cica era prea scump. Nimic interesant pe la BAZAAR...am invatat sa cioplesc in lemn...lol...experta. Am fost in Moeciu de Sus insa nu am gasit cabanele la care am stat in cantonamente. Cand ma gandesc ca ar trebui sa citesc Cioran, ma apuca durerea de cap. Nu inteleg nimic. Adica trebuie sa imi storc prea mult creierii ca sa inteleg. Dar hai sa fac un efort. L-am cunoscut pe Alex, baiatul gazdei. Un baietel in cls. a 2-a, blond, pistruiat si cu ochii verzi, care iubeste sportul. Dragalas.

Ce de muste in camera!!! D-alea mari si ametite. Ahh...E asa frumos Moeciul...si predomina un verde asa frumos: VERDE-GALBEN-MARO

Eu sunt intre mormoloc si broasca. tananana.

Mi-a crescut parul de pe picioare! Si nu mai vin Sambata ci Duminica! Damn.

Nu mai scriu in Deutsch ca iar incep sa scriu gresit. Ma doare burta. Vreau sa ma culc. Ma simt ca dracu. Vreau sa ascult Last Cup of Sorrow.

(Evidence)

Am un somn tampit in mine...e seara...stai sa vad cat e ceasul...21:26.

Vad ca am scris mult ieri. Azi nu voi scrie la fel ca parca nu am starea necesara...hmmm...Pristina.

(Pristina)

Imi place melodia. Foarte mult. Mi-ar placea sa fiu in Sighisoara, sa fie zi, sa stau la o terasa si sa beau o bere. Sa am tricou cu Listen to Mike Patton si la terasa sa dea Faith No More. Pe strada sa treaca un rocker super frumos...sa semene cu ala cu mandolina, sau chiar sa fie el. Si privindu-l sa zambesc si sa-mi imaginez prin absurd ca intr-o zi cu soare voi vorbi cu el. Si sa fiu in turnul cu ceas...e frumos.

(The Morning After)

Acuma nush ce melodie e. E de FNM dar habar n-am cum se numeste. E a doua...dupa Pristina.

Mananc glucoza. Cica energizant. Are un gust ciudat. Poate ma mai trezeste nitel.

"Citesc Cioran, ascult Nirvana, venele le tai cu lama."

(Got that Feeling)

LOL. Dap..ce or intelege oamenii de la Cioran, habar n-am. In fine. Fiecare cu durerea lui. Poate se regasesc...adica isi regasesc gandurile printre frazele lui. Dupa cum se observa, am schimbat pixul ca ala s-a terminat. Toata (ma-ta-n cur de musculita! Mai da-te dreaq ce ma futi la cap? Te iei de Glucoza mea? MORI!! grrr) lumea se uita la meci. Numai io nu. Nu ma pasioneaza.

(Ashes to Ashes)

Great song! Foarte frumos. Cred ca incep sa am energie de la Glucoza aia. De fapt sigur. Beau 7UP Light. Sincer, nu imi place.

Ma intreb acuma, oare cum de reuseam inainte sa scriu asa frumos, cu metafore, chestii, flo-ci-re-le, si acum tot ce spun e sec, o aberatie. Exact cum sunt eu....in general... cand vb cu cineva. In special daca e o persoana cu care vorbesc pt prima oara.

(...)

Parca scriam mai frumos cu celalalt pix care acuma e MORT! R.I.P. my friend! :)))

(Land of Sunshine)

SING & REJOICE...Patton! Fuck me pls! LOOOOL! hmm...neah....nu as vrea. Frate ce par am pe picioare!

HERE'S HOW TO ORDER!

(Stripsearch)

Si asta e un cantec frumos...asa ca Pristina...L-as fute pe unul (adica el pe mine) pe melodia asta. LOL. Pe bune. Si vocea lui Patton is startin' to turn me on! LOL. glumeam. :>>>>>>

Imi curge nasul!!! Grrr...

Mi-a dat beep Elena 10K. Ma-sa. De ce sa-i raspund? Parca zicea ca o sa ma sune sa merem pe la concerte. Mda. M-a sunat mult. Si ce concerte? Am fost mereu plecata. Tralalalala....hai totusi sa-i dau beep. BEEEEEEEP!!! gata :)

Sa mai iau GLUCOZA? Neeee....

Iar da beep. Si ce lung! Imi amintesc la CONSTANTA ca Flopo intreba cine da beepuri asa scurte?

(...)

Iustin te iubim

Ca ca tine nu gasim!

Meeeeeeeeeemorieeeeees!

(Jizzlobber)

Ma mananca creierul... hi hi hi.

E urat caietul asta. Dungi albastre. Foaie ieftina. Coperta kitschy.

Pusky wears a bra!!!

Ta na na na na

Ravzan...bleah...ugly kid.

Haha. Tin minte cand l-a vazut Pusky prima oara pe Ravzan ca a zis : "Ce copil urat e ala!" Haha! Chiar e!

Ravzan Ravzan Ravzan Ravzan Ravzan Ravzan....etc. (Jingle Bells song)

Copii! Nu RAZVAN! RAVZAN! Suna mai bine! :>>>...

(...)

(Orgy in Reverb)

Freaky song. Mike Patton e freaky. Funny dar freaky sometimes...

Hai sa mai vad ce e la TV si sa beau apa. Am 7UP-ul langa teg dar nu imi face cu ochiul. Imi face cu curu din care iese o basina light. BRB!

Joi, 19.08.2004

Mi-a dat beep DADA! WOW! Incredibil! Dada! Think about it1 lol. Parca mi-ar fi dat beep Raul...

Tre' sa merem pi munti amu'. :)

(...)

M-a sunat Adelina :>. Simpatica. E la aeroport in Bucuresti si o asteapta pe sor'sa. Si zicea ca sunt 3 baieti draguti acolo dar ea e cam mica pt ei. Si a aflat rezultatele de la capac si a intrat la filo la engleza la cel mai bun liceu din nush unde. N-am inteles. Ea e din Bals. Hai ca ma duc sa ma pis. Mi s-a facut frig.

(...)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Imi pare rau dar nu mai pot copia ce scrie in acest caiet. Am crezut ca va fi OK dar totul devine din ce in ce mai deprimant. A fost o perioada destul de naspa pentru mine. Si atunci am devenit obsedata de trupe gen My Dying Bride. I still love them.

I'm sorry :/. Acum tot o sa postez chestia asta pt ca m-am chinuit sa scriu atata si nu o sa sterg pur si simplu! =))))

2009-08-09T14:40:00.003+02:00

"When liberty comes with hands dabbled in blood it is hard to shake hands with her"

Dorian Gray vs. New Moon (these movies have absolutely nothing to do with each other but they're both very important to me atm)

2009-08-07T22:51:00.008+02:00

I've become almost obsessed with Ben Barnes. Robert Pattinson is long forgotten. I'm more excited about Dorian Gray than New Moon! Can you believe that? We shall soon see which one is better (if a comparison is possible).

"Somewhere in the attic, there's a picture of you getting prettier."

2009-08-03T20:26:00.009+02:00

I HATE BLOGGER ----Aveam aici scris un vis intreg si mi l-a futut in gura! Nu mai e!! Si nu il mai pot recupera! I hope you get a nice and sexy tumour!

Splendid!

2009-07-25T23:09:00.004+02:00

From now on...

2009-07-25T16:41:00.000+02:00

...my posts will have no soul.

Celulita...IN CREIER!

2009-07-12T01:44:00.001+02:00

:P:D
uite snt un baiat kre abia si-a faqt un nou hi5,ink n am apukt sa-mi bag poze p el k s mah sh vezi,da` in curand...
esti din cara?

t********k(id meu),dak vrei s mai vb,ne mai cunoastem,astea...cunostintza,gen:)

Imi cer scuze daca jignesc pe cineva, dar ASA LIMBAJ pur si simplu imi da dureri de cap fantastice.
Daca nu as fi romanca, nu cred ca as fi putut intelege nimic din ..... vai, nici nu mai vreau sa analizez asa ceva. Imi vine sa vars. Parca atunci cand eram eu in liceu nu se vorbea/scria CHIAR ASA!!! Mor de nervi. Invatati sa vorbiti ca lumea, ignorantilor! Faceti planeta asta de ras! Idioti din astia sunt peste tot, din pacate.

:((((((((((((((

A new temporary (I think) phobia.

2009-06-12T18:22:00.002+02:00

Why is it that everytime or almost everytime people (it's something general, I'm not implying that everyone is doing it) get in a fight with the person they're in a relationship with...I mean like a HUGE fight, one of the two ends up sleeping with some random person or an ex or a friend or something like that? Why does sex have to be the "solution" to everyone's problems? I mean seriously, do you actually feel better the next morning, knowing that actually you shouldn't have had sex with someone you don't intend to see again for the rest of your life after doing that? UGH it's so annoying! What the hell, people?! Ok, maybe I don't get it! Maybe I never will! Maybe sex is a magical cure to all the spiritual or mental or whatever problems! I'm just writing about this because of some episodes I've seen and some other things I've heard and maybe because I'm going through a long phase of sex hating. I don't get it and I'm so sorry! I regret everything! I do! Because NOW I can't imagine for even a fracture of a second that sex could be something good and something that I might need from time to time. I just find it repulsive! And I didn't before. I always thought it's something extremely normal (well I still think it is normal, but now I just think it's normal when you're in a relationship with someone and you don't intend to DUMP them afterwards or dump them in general) and the logical step in a relationship. And then I would panic and start asking myself :"OK, if you're in a relationship with a guy, how long should you let him wait?" Bla bla and now I'm just asking myself if this world is truly full of guys who only want that and who can't have a platonic relationship with a girl. I soooo want an Edward Cullen. 'Cause while I'm human he wouldn't pressure me or anything and when I'm a vampire we can have godly sex and I'll know that we'll be together forever and we'll be very happy even after 50000 years.
I'm so mad! And sick of all these vulgar things around me! There is no more decency on this planet! It makes me want to throw up! I'm going to go read now. And I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SNEEZE LIKE THERE'S NO FUCKING TOMORROW STOP SNEEZING SO LOUD WTF I HAVE THE IMPRESSION YOU'RE IN THE SAME FUCKING ROOM WITH ME AND YOU'RE IN A DIFFERENT APARTMENT!! STUPID GERMANS! THEY HAVE NO RESPECT! THEY DON'T COVER THEIR STUPID MOUTHS WHILE YAWNING OR COUGHING OR WHATEVER. GO DIE.

New Moon!!

2009-06-01T17:31:00.003+02:00

Ma simt ATAT de goala pe dinauntru

2009-05-29T19:43:00.001+02:00

Ma gandeam putin mai devreme ca nu mai gasesc rostul vietii. Vietii mele, adica. Trecusem printr-un moment din acela ORIBIL, in care pur si simplu nu poti gasi absolut niciun motiv pentru care ar mai avea rost sa traiesti. Nu spun ca mi-a trecut complet, in continuare ma simt rupta in bucatele si buna de aruncat la gunoi dar macar mi-am amintit ca merita sa traiesti pentru a vedea macar o parte din frumusetile lumii. Atat deocamdata. Cat de ciudat. Credeam ca ajungi sa te simti asa dupa o serie de experiente neplacute si nu dupa o faza scurta si confuza. Sau poate s-au adunat mai multe incet, incet, iar eu nu mi-am dat seama cat de rau o duceam de fapt. Habar n-am. Nu mai pot. Am iesit putin afara si nu puteam sa merg normal si parca imi era frica de oameni, eram paranoica. Sunt un monstru. Imi fac mie rau si le fac si celorlalti rau. Indiferent ce as face. Se inrautateste cu varsta. Totul devine din ce in ce mai negru si oamenii incep sa fie dezamagiti de tine. As vrea sa fiu o piatra de râu.

"One or two is early enough for a person who lies till ten" --NOT

2009-05-29T10:17:00.000+02:00

A person who has not done one half his day's work by ten o'clock runs a chance of leaving the other half undone

My favourite quotes from The Picture of Dorian Gray

2009-05-21T16:45:00.000+02:00

(...)the worst of having a romance of any kind is that it leaves one so unromantic.

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.

Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic. Worlds had to be in travail, that the meanest flower might blow...

(...)I would suggest that we should appeal to Science to put us straight. The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of Science is that it is not emotional.

To get back one's youth, one has merely to repeat one's follies.

Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.

Nowadays people know the price of everything, and the value of nothing.

A grande passion is the privilege of people who have nothing to do.

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

People are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves.

To see him is to worship him, to know him is to trust him. (Sybil Vane about Dorian Gray)

'Describe us as a sex,' was her challenge.
'Sphinxes without secrets.'

Hunger Point (watch it! it ruined my life)

2009-05-13T11:07:00.001+02:00

I just neeeeeeed to lose 5 kg!!! But I can't stop being lazy!! And what's worse is that in the past few days I've been totally ignorant about the way I look. I mean I didn't look in the mirror to see if I appeared to be fat. And I always do that!!! I don't want to go back to how I used to be in my 1st year here, not caring about my body and what I eat, because I will end up becoming a true psycho like I am right now. I really don't care how many mistakes I make in this blog entry and how many sentences start with "I". Even though I constantly think that I'm fat(It's just a fact for me. I do want to change it but I know that whatever I'll do , this is the way I'll always look if I want to be normal. It's just the way I am. This is my natural form.) I sometimes look in the mirror and see that ACTUALLY I'm not fat at all. Of course, I'm not as skinny as those anorexic celebrities, but in the normal world, I'm average to thin. I mean I have a BMI of 19.9!!! And normal is between 19 and 25 so come on! I'm pretty ok.

Why do I want to be thin? What is wrong? What happened all of a sudden? What triggered all this madness? I know what did, but it's silly...It was JUST A MOVIE!!(Hunger Point) OMG, I can't believe it's been uploaded on Youtube. I feel like crying. I'm going to watch it now.....It's been 3 years since the first time I've seen it. It made such a great impact on my mind!!! It's absurd! I was fascinated with what was happening there. I didn't really understand the whole not eating thing and I didn't know who ED was. Everyone had a diary dedicated to "him"....and those pro ana sites...When I came home (I was in Horezu at that time) I googled "pro ana" and I found some sites...it was soooo disturbing. I had chills running down my spine while I was watching those horrifying pictures of BONES and rotting skin. I found all of this repulsive and silly and with absolutely NO SENSE. I didn't get it. But slowly, I started seeing the beauty in it..it's like a bloody virus or something. It's like cigarettes. You hate them at first, but then if you try and try, you can accept them and then they eat you alive. It's exactly like smoking. You know it's unhealthy from the start, but you still do it. You don't get addicted from the very beginning, so why do you keep on going and trying to BECOME that way? Tell me, please, because I can't find an explanation. No. Don't tell me. I already know. It's in our nature anyway. I won't go into detail.

I never got to my goal weight. I'm so disappointed. But I will. You'll all going to see me in August and I'll be dashing. I'll be slender and 10 times more feminine because of that.

Toddles

What's been bothering me lately

2009-05-07T11:36:00.001+02:00

This WILL sound silly. I'm warning you.

Alright, so you all probably know that I've been developing some sort of general hate and feeling of disgust towards men for a while now. And I know that it's just a phase. It will all get back to normal one day. Until then, I must explain what this is all about and what's happening in my feeble brain.
Even though the relationship between men and women has drastically changed in the past 100 years, I'm not sure it's better... Women babble more these days(they used to do that back then as well, but now they do it in front of men too!) and I'm POSITIVE that 99% of the straight men out there don't really want to listen to our inner problems, for they can't understand them, or they simply don't feel the need to do so. I think I would like to live in a world that resembles the interwar period. Good music, good manners, chic clothes, elegant way of speaking and general classiness.
Yes, I know that some men used to cheat on their wives back then too. And that some women used to have affairs with other men. But there was more respect in the air somehow. I don't know. I'm sure I could be convinced that I'm totally wrong. I just feel that I don't belong anywhere and everything makes me sick. Especially thinking about men and their idiotic needs. And don't you DARE say that women have these needs as often and as intense as you do, because that might be true, but only in the world of prostitution and females with hormonal problems.

It's tiring but I can't help myself. Everytime I see an interesting guy, after a few seconds some strange little person appears from out of nowhere and whispers into my ear "Don't be fooled by his appearance, he's a jerk like all the others. If he'd get to know you, he'd only want you as a notch in his bedpost." and I start feeling nauseous and having a panic attack(hmm although I think that one of its symptoms is nausea). When I'm thinking about famous persons, actors for example, I don't see them the same way because I only see their talent. Sure, I'm sometimes saying to myself "Oh, GOD! He's gorgeous!! I'd do him" (of course, I WOULDN'T! I'm frigid right now) but I ...oh, I don't know....I have the impression that most of my favourite actors have pure souls and believe in true love and all those silly little NON EXISTENT facts that so often appear in bed time stories.

It's a never ending conflict with reality and no one will surrender. Reality won't accept your childish dreams and you won't accept all its gruesome sides.

The conclusion?

I should probably occupy my time with lots of things that will spare me from thinking about my innerself.

Toodles!

Vitamine gretoase + mi-as fi dorit sa fie anemie si nu altceva ce include multe calorii

2009-04-27T23:37:00.001+02:00

Again, panic attack!

Nu imi place senzatia!!!!
Dar acum stiu din ce cauza e. Ascult Nightwish. Nu am mai ascultat de foarte mult timp. Nightwish cu Tarja, desigur.

Si....in ultima vreme tot ma dau mare cu faptul ca m-am schimbat si bla bla vrajeli. Acum parca mi-am amintit de unde vin. Cum eram inainte, ce simteam atunci, cum gandeam. Toate sunt cam la fel. Dar am uitat pur si simplu.....si acum doare! Si nu inteleg de ce. Nu ar trebui sa fie asa.
Vreau sa lucrez undeva. Ma plictisesc. Maine facultate....nu imi place ca am doar 2 zile pe sapt.

Nu mai pot sa scriu. M-a luat ameteala. Mananc ca sparta dar am ameteli de vreo 2 zile. Am stat prea mult in fata laptopului. Clar. Gata, fuck you.

Toodles

PS. Acum imi dau seama ca fraza asta Mananc ca sparta dar am ameteli de vreo 2 zile suna de parca as fi gravida. Poate sunt!!! Chiar daca mi-a venit ciclul acum 2 sapt. =)))

2009-04-27T15:36:00.000+02:00

29-01I59
26-28M60
25M58 ---yaaaaaaaaaay
24M5875
23M595
14-22M60
12,13M60
11M605
08-10M60
07M595
06M59
05M60
04M60
03M59
02M591500
01M5951200
30A601???
29A591000
28A5951090
27A601900

Ra.Un.Cl.So.Le.Pe.Br.Ni.Me.

2009-04-25T12:51:00.000+02:00

Ach, ich liebe das. Dieser Tag ist perfekt. Ich brauche gar nichts mehr.

Frei und noch entspannt....

Oh. Ich muss was essen. Das hat gefehlt hahaha.

Ciao

Y control

2009-04-16T13:46:00.001+02:00

Nu pot sa zic ca mi-am revenit total. Probabil ca suna stupid, dar m-a afectat totusi intr-un fel... Si am unele momente in care imi vine sa sparg ceva. Uneori am senzatia ca ma mint singura cand spun ca viata e frumoasa si vreau sa fiu libera si bla bla. In fine, nu includ VIATA in problema asta. Dar parca BRUSC dupa toata faza aia m-am schimbat foarte mult. Probabil ca nu se observa, dar eu simt. Nu prea ma mai recunosc. Nici macar cand ma uit in oglinda. E ceva nou...ceva ciudat. Sunt asa fraiera!!! Tipic, tipic, tipic. MA ROG. Am obosit.

Ciao

Oh boy.

2009-04-06T14:48:00.001+02:00

So many things have happened since my last post, I don't know if I'm ever going to blog about it. It's been like living in the Gossip Girl world. Too much drama. Well now it should be over, apparently, though my life is currently taking a new turn so I guess exciting stuff won't escape me. I've become an alcoholic and a chain smoker. Haha not reaaally. I'm just trying to keep the bad energy inside my body and brain. It should be better to let it all out but nah, it's too hard. Everything is hard. I keep saying that I want to die. What a load of bullshit! Of course I don't want that! Yeah, I don't know what to say anymore. I just need a break. And continue avoiding to think. I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never ending sleep.

Life sucks and then you die. Who said that?!?! I would like to punch him/her in the face.

Da vrei ma reprezinta perfect in mom asta. Vreau sa ma dizolv intr-un pahar cu apa...

In Romania 8

2009-03-26T12:24:00.001+01:00

I'm so tired!!!!!!!!!! Umm, I just wanted to say that I'm feeling OK now. Everything's good. I just exaggerate a lot. Emo bitch xD. I feel like listening to Slipknot. I am, actually. It goes perfectly well with I have no idea what. It's like a bit of fuel. Like my heart has stopped beating but now the rhythm of the music is replacing it. That's not the case but I feel like passing out any second even though I've slept for 12 hours again last night. I'm not proud of that. Nuh-uh. I really hate these vitamins. Nausea sux anus.

I keep having these silly dreams that have nothing to do with any part of my life or with each other.

I went to see Alexandra yesterday and met a work colleague of hers. It was pretty interesting to talk to him about our mentality and how he sees this country and how he feels here... I'm starting to change my life rhythm so it's always fascinating to remember some not so amusing facts about our wonderful country and its people.

I'm nothing like him (why do all of my paragraphs start with "I" ???!!? Hmm...I really should change that)... I'm not so fond of our traditional food, I don't care about eating meat everyday, I hate lamb meat, I HATE arguing with people on the street/bus/anywhere because I lose my temper pretty quickly and I don't like being mean to people, and I think that's about it. How can you feel better after having idiotic arguments with random people over some insignificant SHIT?!?! What's the point? Really now, do you want to die sooner? Ughghgh. Annoying.

In other news...umm Andreea is coming to Bucharest!! Yay!

I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat some dead animals.

xoxo!!

In Romania 7

2009-03-25T14:58:00.001+01:00

How can I not be semi-depressed, when my dad tells me that every choice I made by myself in my life was wrong and that mom and him shouldn't have listened to me. And that I could be thinner and all that BULLSHIT that just eats me to the core. I don't know if he WANTS me to feel so horrible or if he just doesn't notice the effect it has on me. 'Cause after 10 minutes he starts making jokes and completely forgets about what he said before, while I'm dying a little inside. Lost 4 kg in these 2 weeks. I hate food, I hate anything that can make my body healthier. I just want to disappear.

"No one should listen to you." I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I didn't see all this so complicated. Everything had a good end. I try this, it doesn't work out well, it's ok, I'll just try something else. It shouldn't be the end of the world. But the way he SAYS it...it really breaks my heart. I just...I want to go back to Düsseldorf. I like being alone sometimes. I need that right now. Actually I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be with my parents. Apart from the mean things my dad sometimes tells me, I know that my mom is worried because of the life I'm living atm. Oh well, fuck it :).

I have to go meet my friend at her workplace. A little distraction is EXACTLY what I need right now. But I'm still so tired. I've slept 13 hours since yesterday. That's too much. Like I said. I'm pretty much fucked up right now. And for NO GOOD REASON at ALL.

I don't know what to say. I have my happy moments in between but then I start worrying about them too! Damn it :). It will all work out well in the end though, I'm sure. No one has ever died from things like these before. My body is still trying to fix itself from those stupid antibiotics. And the lack of sleep. And alcohol. And cigarettes. Yeah. So...

xoxo

In Romania 6 : Mor? =)

2009-03-21T14:16:00.001+01:00

Aaaa nu stiu ce sa zic! Ma simt ca un copil idiot :)). Am fost ieri in El Comandante. Mi-era dor de muzica aia...Hmm...da. Trebuie neaparat sa ma intalnesc azi cu Alexandra. Dar nu cred ca o sa fac asta. As vrea sa vorbesc doar cu ea...nu am cu cine altcineva sa vorbesc. Sigur, cu Rodica as putea dar nu e aici :(. Lalallalala.

I ADORE the Killers. :))))) Nothing new. Bla bla. Nu stiu ce sa ziiiiic. Pt ca am multe de zis dar nu pot sa scriu. Nu vreau sa stie toata lumea. Dar as vrea sa get it off my chest. Destiny is calling me xD

Il vreau pe Edward. Forever and ever and ever and ever. De ce nu exista asa ceva?! Nah, habar n-am. URASC situatiile de genul asta. He takes off her dress now..let me go....... Ufi pufi.

Da, de fapt vroiam sa zic ca urasc situatiile previzibile. De fapt nu era nimic previzibil. Pfff nu pot sa ma exprim deloc!!! Mi-e frica pentru ca nu vreau sa ajunga sa imi placa prea mult de el. Sunt egoista, stiu, dar chiar nu vreau sa sufar. Parca tot nu pot avea incredere in el. Ma rog, il stiu de 2 zile hahahhahaha. Ce ciudat!!!!!! WTF?! Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc...Da. Nu inteleg nimic. Totul se misca prea repede. Si in general, cand se misca repede, e de scurta durata. *sniff* INCERC sa fiu optimista! Dar mi-e din ce in ce mai greu. Nu am mancat azi. Nici nu prea am baut apa. Ma simt asa ciudat. LMFAO sunt indragostita. Nah. Nu cred ca sunt. Ar fi stupid din partea mea sa ma simt asa dupa doar doua zile. Right? :-s

Trebuie sa-mi fac bagajul. O sa fie interesant. Nu vrea sa iasa din creierul meu!!! AAA nu mai suport! Chiar ma intristeaza chestia asta. *sigh*

xoxo

In Romania 5 : Hmm

2009-03-20T18:27:00.001+01:00

Deci pot sa jur ca e 12th grade all over again. Pfoai, groaznic. Alice moments all the time. 24 Martie 2007 ...atunci m-am hotarat sa devin vegetariana :)). Tot cam in aceeasi perioada. Party ieri.

Drama, baby, drama. :)))

In Romania 4 : LUV

2009-03-19T20:36:00.001+01:00

I'm so happy!

I don't know why. I mean I know why but it's weird. I was sooo sad and I decided to call Stefan because I didn't answer his calls the past few days (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know :< ) and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his sister and some friends of hers and some people from other countries and I'm so happy to be able to do something else than just watch TV or something like that. That sounds so sad. I can go out every day if I want to, but yeah, I just didn't. I needed some kind of break from the outside world. I wanted to spend some quality time with my dear parents. But now I need some time to socialize. I missed going to a club and dancing and acting like an idiot around people I don't know so well. I LOVE the Killers. They complete my life atm.

Lalallalala. I don't know what to tyyype I just feel like singing along(I'm listening to the Killers) and dancing. I can't wait to get dressed and make myself pretty. I've missed that too. Spending hours in front of the mirror getting mad for not being able to pull out an awesome make-up and then looking at the whole package and thinking OMG I look fat like this. Bleah. Hmm whatever. No one will think that way. And if I'm a fun person, it's gonna be a good distraction from my chubby areas. Having a bigger ass is good for boys xDDD. OK I'm not always thinking that way. I'm exaggerating. But I've missed being ready to go out and thinking. Wow. I look better than usual now.

I need to upgrade my mood. Make it hyper happy. I'm almost there. But I can't really act the way I want because my parents will think that I'm WEIRD and abnormally excited. But in Germany I would dance and do my warm-up. Sort of. YAY I'm gonna wear high heels. I've missed that too.

I love Lady Gaga as well. I love her songs. But the club I'm going to won't play music like this. SADLY. It's gonna be boring house music. The one no one's ever heard of. People can't dance too well to music they don't know. It's those songs you just ADORE that you start woo-ing and dancing like a rockstar to. Those are the songs that make you sparkle like Edward Cullen in the sunlight hahahahha. Without the sound effect.

Can't read my can't read my no he can't read my poker face.... lallalalallalalallalallla

In Romania 3 : I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE IMMORTAL!!! :<<<

2009-03-19T17:26:00.001+01:00

Daca viata tot e atat de scurta si OMG NINGE. Nu-mi place cand mi se distrage atentia. Incerc sa fiu serioasa aici. Cum spuneam, daca viata tot e atat de scurta si fara importanta in acest univers infinit, macar sa incerc sa o fac cat mai placuta. Da, stiu ca 99% din populatia lumii se gandeste la chestia asta uneori, dar nu ma refer la ideea ca de acum incolo o sa ma comport ca o nebuna doar pentru ca asa am chef sau mai stiu eu ce. Nu vreau sa ma exprim corect sau frumos in acest blog asa ca nu ma judecati. Da, vreau sa devin vegetariana din nou. Cred ca imi vine ciclul. Sunt din ce in ce mai emotiva incepand de ieri. Azi m-a lovit asa ca un pumn urias. Nu stiu ce m-a apucat. Dar am analizat toata treaba asta si am ajuns la concluzia ca pot sa traiesc asa. Nu stiu daca o sa pot sa renunt complet la lactate (mai ales pt ca se afla in multe produse z.B. cookies!! <3) dar la carne da. I did it before si nu am patit nimic. Nu m-am imbolnavit, nu nimic. Chiar nu sunt in stare sa ma controlez? Trebuie sa fiu un monstru? Sunt om, am un anumit nivel de inteligenta. Am posibilitatea de a alege calea cea mai curata. Nu o sa devin o sfanta niciodata. Asta e clar. Dar daca vine vorba de mancare, macar as putea sa renunt sa vad niste cadavre de animale prajite sau fierte ca pe ceva gustos cand mi-e foame. Oribil.

In afara de asta nu prea vreau sa spun nimic. Nu incerc sa sustin niciun punct de vedere, nu vreau sa demonstrez ceva, nu vreau sa faca si altii ca mine, nu ma intereseaza. Fiecare traieste cum vrea. Astept sa imi treaca starea asta inutila. Ce rost are sa analizezi viata si soarta si toata chestiile astea complicate sau simple, depinzand de felul in care te simti pe moment.

Vreau sa fiu o vaca. Dar sa am norocul sa duc o viata cat de cat placuta. Ba nu. Vreau sa fiu o pisica. Macar asa stiu sigur ca nu o sa fiu crescuta de cineva care o sa aiba de gand sa ma taie sau sa ma mulga.

Dar nu vreau sa mor!! Imi amintesc cand eram oarecum dependenta de Myspace si il gasisem pe Jake Gyllenhaal(era profilul lui oficial, dar cred ca a fost sters acum, nu stiu) si era acolo la how do you want to die si el I DON'T WANNAAA! Asta era cand Heath Ledger inca mai traia. Si avea si el un profil dar evident, si ala a fost sters. Cine mai intra pe Myspace?! Da, imi pare rau.

Imi pare foarte rau. Ascult Hope si incerc sa nu ma gandesc ca o sa fie concert Anathema in Bucuresti. Daca ma gandesc la asta, turbez. Urlu, plang, ma dau cu capul de pereti si rup multe foi. I wanted to live forever. Mi-e somn. Ma culc putin.

Nu e chiar asa de rau. Ma simt mai bine acum. A trecut ceva timp(cateva minute/ore). Era normal sa imi revin.

PAAAA

In Romania 2

2009-03-11T23:49:00.001+01:00

OMG I'm going to my high school tomorrow! I'm SO excited. I hope it's going to be sunny...and that Alex will come with me. If that doesn't happen, it's gonna SUCK. OMGOMG :D

I felt strange today while I was in the car with dad. As I observed new shops and stuff on the boulevard, I had a super strong feeling of deja vu. It was like 12th grade all over again. I was feeling spring the way I used to 2 years ago. And I was thinking of Mihnea. I think about him too much since I've come home. Gah. I even have dreams about him sometimes. How frustrating. I'm sure most of the things I feel and imagine are exaggerated. Haha well at least it's like dreaming of a movie star or a fictional character. They all have a simple mortal root. So there's no difference there. Writing that, I'm feeling better. I was getting a bit worried. I don't know if I make sense anymore because the music I'm listening to is too loud and I can't concentrate at all. I can't hear my thoughts.

Finished Eclipse. It was such a wise decision to re-read the books. I feel like I'm reading them for the first time. First time I've skipped lots of parts because I was too anxious to find out what was going to happen next and if Bella would finally be turned into a vampire and bla bla and then Jacob appeared and I was like ew, he's a wolf man. He must smell funny. Dogs smell. LMFAO. But now I paid more attention and I don't have anything against him anymore. I wuv him too. Not as much as the lovely and perfect Edward, but he's important as well.

I'm gonna marry this song. "Spaceman" - The Killers

Oh look! A chewing gum. Yesterday I got hit by revelations from all directions. It was too much. I thought I was gonna explode. This world is too crowded with ideas and already invented things. Too many books, too much music, too many other things that YOU and I will never ever know because we don't have time! EEEEK!

OMG really now, if there's a thing out there that is immortal and can make people immortal as well, PLEASE contact me! I BEG YOU! I don't want to die too soon.

Leaving that aside, I might start going on a different path. I just have to figure out what suits me best. I should talk to Hiltscher. He was pretty disappointed when I told him that I wanted to study economics. What would he want me to study? Life is too short to regret failing at stuff. Fuck it. As long as I didn't TRULY waste my time living on the couch and eating FAT it was somehow worth it.

I feel like typing the lyrics that I'm hearing. Grrr. Annoying. *sigh* I was thinking about Robert Pattinson looking all OMG ok I won't say anything about him. I'm not a weird psycho twimom or something. Ew. Mom. I don't want to know who the father of my children will be. I hope he'll be gorgeous. And immortal. LMFAO. Yeah, he'll def be immortal. Duh. Pff. I'm such an idiot.

I wanna be like Alice. No. I'll never be like her. Because it's physically impossible. I'm like a freakin handicapped horse compared to her. I'm too tall and too fat to be like her and I'm not gracious AT ALL. And I can't dance. And I'm lazy. I don't want to be like anyone. Because I can't :(. OH but I can!

Don't judge! Let me have my moments. I just LOVE them. I love to obsess over someone for a short period of time and try to be like them until I get bored. And then I think it all gets mixed up and I end up being myself over and over again.

I'm sleepy and I need to pee.

BYE!

xoxo

PS. Oh, I LOVE Benny Kieckhäben!!! <3333 (He's gay, btw. No one has replaced Edward Cullen yet, don't worry.)

In Romania 1

2009-02-25T23:06:00.001+01:00

I landed in Romania a few days ago. I met up with some friends and read Twilight.

I've started re-reading New Moon 48 hours ago. Still got half of it to read. So depressing. No matter how often I read the break-up part, I can't keep myself from crying and feeling all left alone in this world. Ha ha, I KNOW, I'm a very sensitive person.

I can't wait to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I love to see if there's anything new on the shelves. Yeah, it's been like 2 months since I've been here but I have the impression it's been longer than that. I will never feel that the time is constant. I guess that's as normal as pooping. Everyone feels it differently. OK, I could have compared it to something else, but I'm trying to be serious here, mmkay?

Every paragraph starts with "I". Not this one!!! I found my old journals. Didn't have to look hard for them. I mean I've always known where they were, but w/e. I was curious to remember what I was thinking/doing while I was 17-18. I remember the way I used to look back then. UGH! When will I find MY personal style?
Yeah. Nothing special in there. 17- Germany, a bit of frustration because of Sergiu, 18- Pro Ana and lots of Germany. Then I left home and winded up in this mess called present.

I really didn't want to know who I kissed at the New Years party. I think I'm starting to feel sick again. Now that I wrote this, well typed it, I realize what it sounds like. When I heard it from my friend, I was like yeah whatever, it happens. We're young and like to get drunk and pass out from time to time. But NOW I see that it looks like desperation. It's like seeing a 30 yr old lady making out with any guy at a party because she hasn't got a boyfriend. EUGH. That isn't really my case, but I just imagine the story like that. That is so sad. I feel OLLLLD and wrinkly. I'm gonna die soon and regret it. Or not. Bla bla. No but really, I'm getting older. I hate it to death.

I want Ray Ban sun glasses. Before they get old fashioned. My dad indirectly told me that I'm a fat ass. How I missed that. At least I'm kinda moving my ass now a bit and trying to put some muscle on my arms and abs.

Had Robert Pattinson's Never Think on repeat for a while now. Let's change it to something more umm dunno. Maybe I should listen to Van Morrison. But not now. Empire of the Sun. BETTER. My hair is messy and I think it stinks from yesterday evening. The pubs here are SO HORRIBLE and they all smell like HELL's ass. Really, now. It's like ppl have been smoking towards those couches and walls without opening one window/door for 30 years. It's scary. And then the next day you smell like death. Ok your body is easier to wash, but your clothes!! That takes time! You have to wait for them to dry and you can't wear them twice if your planning on going out. Hmm. Maybe before going out you should make sure that the clothes you're gonna wear are extremely musty like this is the last time you're gonna wear them cause they're so horribly dirty and smell like bed and dead skin. Who reads this is gonna think I never wash my clothes. Or myself.

I have to wait 5 hours for that movie to download. How come?!?! I was hoping for like 2 hours....I keep having the weirdest dreams ever since I've returned to my home land. I'm dreaming of going to school with various Twilight actors and stuff like that....dreams that generally include the cast of Twilight and some scenes from the books. It's maddening. I'm afraid I might be going mental. But I'm behaving normally. Yes. I am VERY normal. At least I don't talk in my sleep. That would have SUCKED big time.

Yeah OH I remembered I wanted to check someone's blog. I'm suddenly so bored. My eyes hurt. It's been a week since I've spent so much time in front of a computer.

See ya

xoxo

A little update

2009-02-18T00:34:00.001+01:00

So! The past few weeks I've been pretty down, mostly because of exam stress and menstruation(ok, it doesn't last for weeks, I know!! But EWWW xD). I've had my exam today(yesterday even) and I'm glad to have all that behind me now. Had a short breakdown today and listened to Anathema for half an hour and then realized that I can't go on like that for too long :D. So I played some Lady Gaga then tried to sleep. That didn't last too long because of my phone ringing so I decided to eat something and occupy my time with other forms of relaxation.

A few days ago I received my Twilight books all the way from the U.S.. They're SOOOOOOO pretty!!! And with hard covers (lovely). I can't wait for Rodica to read Breaking Dawn. She's gonna buy it tomorrow after her exam :D. That's the first thing she'll do immediately after leaving the campus. LOL.

I'm gonna fly to Romania on February 21st. After landing safely, going home, blah blah-ing with my parents and probably munching on some healthy/unhealthy stuff I'm gonna FORCE my parents to accompany me to the movies(Twilight, obv)!!! My dad will be up for it, no doubt. Mom will probably complain a bit at first, saying that she's not in the mood for going out, but just like me, she's a sucker for super romantic chick flicks not necessarily with a twist. After that, GOD knows what I'll do. Probably go skiing for a few days if it's snowy. That should be entertaining.

I observe that I express myself differently when I'm positive and sadness free. This is the OTHER me :). The one you briefly talk to on the street.

For the first time in my life I bought a pack of RED Dunhills. Apparently these are the ORIGINAL ones. Like the first ones that appeared on the market. Of course, the image and design of the pack has changed in time. They have huge packs of these in stores. Amazing. More than 24 cigs = WHOA. I sound like a weird addict. Thank God I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol.

I was planning to buy beer and get wasted by myself after the exam. BAD IDEA. So I didn't do it. That would have been so STUPID.

But what matters to me NOW is tomorrow(today) night! PARTYYYY! With no second thoughts such as "oh god, i gotta get outta here quickly, i have to study, jeese, i've had too much alcohol, my head will hurt tomorrow. i'm wasting my time. omg what's with that guy? blah". JOY! I'll finally YAY Lady Gaga on the radio. LUV. Yeah I'll finally get to have fun FOR REAL. And FINALLY meet that guy, what's his name? WHatever. He's from uni and studies with us but I dunno. I don't hang out with everyone. I should ask that other guy to come with us. Hmmm. He's online right now. Or wait. He was like an hour ago. He's still on but BUSY. Damn. What should I do??? I'm not gonna go into detail, 'cause all that is private atm. :D

Soooooooooo the Spanish teacher sent me a video he made in class. It's with me and Pascal reading some stuff about "our own radio station". GAY. But it's fun for the memories collection box. I'll just throw it in there and accidentally find it after 10 years and think "OMG where was my confidence back then?! Uhh what's with the black clothes?! I look like a weird dead thing. Thank God the light was yellow. I bet I was pale as well. Pff I'm lucky to have this fake Californian tan on me right now. " OK, all except for the last part with the tan.

I'm getting tired. I should continue reading/go to bed.

XOXO

Tristesse

2009-02-07T22:36:00.001+01:00

Evident ca nu o sa scriu asta in germana sau engleza. Nu sunt asa disperata sa inteleaga toata lumea ce spun. Pur si simplu simt nevoia sa ma descarc. Da, probabil ca as putea sa fac asta si in privat, dar I'm an internet attention whore sometimes. Nu da din cap, ca si tu esti la fel daca citesti asta!

Am realizat mai devreme ca nu ma mai inteleg cu mama prea bine. Bine, niciodata nu am avut prea multe in comun si ne-am tot certat dar acum parca ma afecteaza mai mult. Stiu ca e greu sa comunici pe net cu anumite persoane. Pur si simplu NU MERGE. Te enervezi mereu. Dar aici e altceva. Mereu e atenta la tot felul de chestii care o intereseaza pe moment si cand e din nou atenta la mine ma intreaba daca m-am trezit de dimineata ca sa invat si daca am invatat si sa invat si bla bla bla. Aceeasi faza mereu. Si ma streseaza foarte tare. Incerc sa o inteleg si sa ma pun in locul ei, dar...ahhh ma-sa. Cred ca trebuie sa fac vreo terapie ceva. Sunt asa nervoasa acum! Mi-e cald.

Deschid geamul, nu mai suport. Acum ar putea intra lilieci in camera sau alte fiinte zburatoare. Sinistru. Daca ar intra, primul lucru de care s-ar izbi ar fi bratul meu stang sau capul meu. Foarte sinistru. Da. Si idiotul ala....CUM ISI PERMITE SA MA ATINGA in general?!?!?! Nu te cunosc destul de bine, NU MA ATINGI, clar? Mai ales daca ai intentia sa imi dai una "amiceste". Du-te-n pizda ma-ti, n-am chef sa iti mutilez fata aia cretina pt ca ma murdaresc pe urma.

Ma scuzati. Sunt cam frustrata, cred. Ma irita treaba cu mama. Cu tata vorbesc in fiecare zi si mereu e interesant. Discutam, e atent la mine. Ma asculta, si il ascult si eu la randul meu. Totul decurge NORMAL. Dar cu mama de nicio culoare. Pfoai cat ma intristeaza chestia asta. Imi vine sa plang. Si nu stiu ce sa fac acum ca mi-am amintit de cursurile alea tampite de Präsentation und Kommunikation. De ce ma-sa au fost puse in martie??? Si de ce pt ca numele meu incepe cu N, trebuie sa vin o data la inceputul lunii, si altadata la sfarsit??? Si ceilalti vin normal, doua zile la rand sau asa. Adica trebuie sa-mi sacrific toata vacanta pt jegul asta?!?!?! Iubesc melodia asta. Human. Mi-e frig si cald. Imi vine sa urlu la monitor :)). Ultima oara cand m-am simtit asa era dupa ce am vorbit cu sclava aia de la Human Resources. Ba nu. Atunci eram complet distrusa si determinata sa ma tai cu primul obiect ascutit care era la indemana. It never gets old. Cred ca as fi in stare sa ma tai non stop. Frate. Nu e bine. Daca indrazneste care sa-mi zica EMO, ii spintec fata. Daca vreti sa ma faceti ceva de genul asta, folositi un cuvant mai clasic, da? Nu cum e cretinitatea aia de "chill" sau mai stiu eu ce cuvant idiot care nici macar nu e CORECT in limba din care provine. Adica sensul care ii e dat in prezent nu e corect.

:(((((((((((((((((( AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

New York o suge bine, sunt sigura. Ma refer la gagica aia idioata de pe MTV care a ajuns vedeata de la emisiunea aia retardata, Flavor of Love nush cat. Ala nu o sa-si gaseasca o femeie niciodata, la cat de borat e. Lasa-te bai, ca nu vrea nimeni sa-ti vada mecla obosita la televizor. Si cu stilul ala vestimentar, poti sa te arunci singur la gunoi.

"Halt die Klappe und blute!". Pffff. Ce panarama. Replica de doi bani. Nici nu vreau sa ma uit la filmul ala. Urasc filmele cu gagici care se dau mari luptatoare. Siiiiiiiiiigur ca o slabatura de 1,60 poate face praf 7 barbati de doua ori cat ea si luptatori profesionisti. Lasa-ti-ma cu vrajelile astea.

Cred ca daca as vedea un vampir acum, i-as da o palma si m-as duce sa ma culc. Nu scriu de ce, sunt prea multe chestii de spus dar acum chiar m-am saturat de ei. Ce e mai departe de Twilight nu imi place. Nu ar fi trebuit sa ma uit si la altceva. Twilight e exact pe gustul meu. Restul ma deprima incredibil de mult. Ce ma-sa e asta? Jackass? Vai, ce idioti. Imi si imaginez ce fete au nemtii care se uita la asa ceva. Toti arata la fel. LOL, Michael Jackson. Cand e un ipse sau el, nu stiu si pune mana pe trunchiul unui copac si pe urma din partea cealalta e unul cu o sabie si vrea sa ii taie mana =))))))))))))))). Aia a fost secventa pe care am vazut-o cand am schimbat canalul. O mana pe un copac si pe urma o sabie din partea cealalta si cum ala isi trage mana. Si pe urma Michael rupandu-si sufletul pe-acolo cu flacari si explozii si cutremure in spate. Si oameni chinuiti de soarta. Aia are haine rupte si jegoase pe ea, dar are cercei frumosi =)))))))))) Cum?!?!?!?

Ok, par idioata. Paaaa

If this isn't Ana, atunci nu stiu pe ce lume traiesc.

2009-02-07T02:28:00.001+01:00

WTF?!?!? Era mai solida si in 2007 in Music and Lyrics, nu 2002. Am vazut-o ieri in Bride Wars si mi-a picat fata. DOAMNE! In fine...nu stiu, nu ma pot obisnui cu felul in care arata acum. Fața ei e prea mare pt restul corpului...si nici macar nu e ATAT de inalta(1,83m), dar pare URIASA pe langa ceilalti actori.

In poza: Kristen Johnston

SLOW

2009-01-31T13:40:00.001+01:00

Peaceful. Serene. Calm. Slow!

Now that's not a good thing to be.

I am somehow eager for the cold days to come, even though I'm aware of the fact that I have no proper clothes to keep me warm. Life and death, life and death, all the time. Oh, just make me immortal and stop messing around with my brain when I need to focus on the details of my existence on this fascinating planet.

I need to learn indifference, but I don't have time for that. 50 years are not enough. 50 years, if I'm lucky and sane.

I remember when I was little, I would cry before going to sleep and begging for my life to be taken away from me. I didn't want to accept the fact that I would grow old and die. I still don't want to accept it. I guess I never will. Who knows? We change our opinions all the time. Sometimes we love life and want to see the world and love and laugh and all those cheesy things and sometimes we hate everything and just want to die. Of course, we exaggerate and say things like "Oh, I wish someone would shoot me, stab me, beat me up to death, cut my head off, slaughter me, etc.", but I really think that anyone that suddenly wants to die, would prefer having a peaceful and short death, rather than a slow, painful one.

Ok, these thoughts and remarks are morbid. Nothing good for me there.

I want Edward Cullen to have wild sex with me. WHAT?! NO, ok no. Sorry. Because when I think about it, if that were to happen, I wouldn't last for max. 5 minutes. He would break my bones in a second and I would instantly be dead. No fun in there. So what I would really want would be to have wild sex with a human, that's exactly like Edward Cullen, or a vampire like him, that would agree to make me like him and bla bla bla bla bla bla. I'm a bit embarrassed now. Am I THAT desperate about him?

I was always fascinated by vampires, although I was always afraid of how complicated it would be to be one. But ever since reading those stupid Stephenie Meyer books, I've gone crazy. It's like all of a sudden, all vampires are nice creatures that might want to kill you but it's not that bad, because they have feelings too and they can fall in love with human beings. Well maybe they can, but what are the chances?!?!? Giving a vampire human feelings is very touchy, but not very realistic. We always love what we can't have.

So I'll stop typing and go back to my so-called reality:
"I'm hungry. I think I might eat something. No. I shouldn't. I'll get fat. You've seen those people in InTouch. Ana could be your friend. No. That's silly. Because when you start, you can't quit. I don't want that. Ok, maybe I'll eat something. But not too much. Oh look! I've lost 1kg! Great. That means i won't eat too much today. I have to study. Right, I'm going to my desk now and I'm going to study all day. What's on TV today? Oh, my favorite show! Joy. This will motivate me to study until then. Is there something new on HI5/Facebook/StudiVZ/YouTube/other annoying useless site? No...blah, everything is so boring. I should go look in the mirror. Does my face look thinner? Maybe if I suck my cheeks in a bit. Yeah, that looks good. Oh, look at my belly. Pfff I'm sure with sport it would go away but I'm too lazy. Sod it. I'll just continue eating less. TV is full of "How to lose weight if you're a fat-ass" shows. I hate you all. When is March going to be here? When is the New Moon trailer going to come out? I hate being patient. I should occupy my time with something else. When are my books going to be here? I have to do my Spanish homework. The exam results in French will be out the day after tomorrow. No joy. Will I get that job? What will happen if I do? I think I would like to smoke now. Cigarettes are so expensive. I don't know. Maybe I should drink another coffee. I forgot to take my vitamins today. It's so sunny outside. Maybe I should go out on the balcony and see if everything's alright in there. Maybe not. I have to go buy some food. But what do I want to eat? Except for stupid unhealthy things. Not much. Maybe the new ELLE is interesting. No, it's not. Let's see if there's a magazine here that has an article about Twilight or Robert Pattinson. Here's one about anorexia. That will do. I'm now going to go back home, eat something and then study. Good plan. If I were to be a vampire, would I be beautiful? I wish I would be one. But then it wouldn't be certain that I'll meet someone I'd fall in love with and be with forever and ever! I'd probably be alone all the time and learn to accept the fact that everyone will die. Maybe I'd turn Rodica into a vampire too. That would be comforting. I'd still like to become one. But only when I turn 25. I'd probably be extremely sad not to be able to have children. I'm really hungry now. I should get dressed. Is today saturday? Hmm tomorrow will be Harry Potter 3 on TV. Seen it a hundred times but it's more fun than any other stupid show that will be on at that hour."

Random thoughts, but 100% true.

2009-01-27T01:36:00.001+01:00

The change really came about when Edward realized that he was being too controlling and that Bella actually can be trusted somewhat with her own safety (as long as this doesn’t involve cars, motorcycles, cliffs, water, tennis, needles, knives, mace spray, axes, shotguns, the pavement, the woods, climbing trees, airplanes, volleyball or a potted prickly cactus, which only through supernatural means made it from Arizona to Forks without sticking her in the eye).

It didn’t go smoothly. I somehow managed to hit myself in the head with my racket and clip Mike’s shoulder on the same swing. Then, I clunked Michelle on the back of the head, providing a wonderful concussion, which in the same forward motion over-extended my arm, pulling a muscle, which caused me to swing backwards, providing a graceful set of bruises to Marvin. As I jerked forwards again so as to not fall backwards from the motion, I made a circular swing and knocked three other classmates unconscious, the power of this swoosh causing me to backpedal ferociously, knocking wildly into Harry, Jeremy, Megan, Fiona and Paula, knocking them all out cold. Centrifugal force then caused me to go flying again, slamming the end of the racket into George, Jamie, Tyler, Ashley, Christopher, Minnie, Todd, Shamika, Keisha, Zahra, Shonda, Sabrina, Krista, Daronda, Theresa, and Felicia, among others, before I finally landed at the feet of Coach Clapp.

Honest, officer. That’s what happened.”

Jacob:

“You have the whole day off, right? The bloodsucker won’t be home yet.”

I glared at him.

“No offense intended,” he said quickly.

“Eat toads!” I said, spinning on my heels and pushing Jacob into the ocean, where he was attacked by piranhas and crabs.

I loved how casual this sentence was:

Afternoons were the hardest part of my day. Ever since my former best friend (and werewolf), Jacob Black, had informed me about the motorcycle I’d been riding [...]

Alternate version:

Afternoons were the hardest part of my day. Ever since my former best friend (and green singing frog), Kermit, had informed me that my fly-repellant was ruining his chances of decent dinners [...]

Twilight e o carie care imi roade creierul.

2009-01-26T00:17:00.001+01:00

Ma simt asa...distrusa de ceva. Habar n-am. Ma exprim intr-un limbaj de om incult.

De ce ma ia somnul de fiecare data cand planuiesc sa scriu ceva aici? Da, prefer sa scriu de mana. Sunt prea batrana. Deja incep sa imi fac griji legate de viitor, de cariera...s-a terminat. Nu o sa mai retraiesc copilaria niciodata. Copilaria, adolescenta, nu stiu. Timpul petrecut alaturi de parinti, cand ei erau preocupati de viata ta.

Timpul potrivit sa te indragostesti pentru prima data. Daca ai ratat momentul, pa. Sigur, te poti indragosti oricand, dar nu o sa mai fie niciodata la fel. Cand esti adult, totul e complicat si trebuie sa ai in vedere consecintele.

Il vreau pe Edward!!! Nu ma mai pot ascunde. Sunt nebuna, asta e. Mai am vreo 40 de pagini si se termina manuscriptul de la Midnight Sun. Ma face sa imi amintesc de fiecare faza din celelalte carti. Nu pot sa scap de ele. NU POT! Sunt inconjurata de povestea asta. E peste tot! Am un gol in piept, sau undeva pe-acolo. Lecitina ingrasa? Intentionez sa slabesc. MULT. Dar nu ma descurc mai deloc. Ahhhh cand o sa incep sa fac ceea ce imi propun?!?! Ce am patit? Ce dracu vrea Daniel ala? Ce fraier. Si cica imi daduse Einladung la nu stiu ce grupa tampita pe StudiVZ. Numele ei suna cam asa tradus "Uneori pierdem si alteori castiga altii." !!!!!!!!! POFTIM!??!? Cum a indraznit sa imi dea Einladung la asa o grupa pt fraieri?! Cum adica alteori castiga altii?! Pfff. Ce loser. Cu mentalitatea asta cred si eu ca s-a carat de la facultate. Sau habar nu am ce face acum. As putea sa il intreb dar nu vreau ca el sa ma intrebe cum o mai duc.

Abia astept sa-mi iau cartile in engleza. Daca nu era tata, nu mi le luam deloc. El a insistat. Ce dragut din partea lui!!! Nu-mi vine sa cred. Mda. Edward...Mi s-a infundat nasul. Frustrant.

Bine, acum trebuie sa citesc mai departe. Dar e atat de romantic deja. Indragosteala din aia brusca. Ce fraieri ieri prin cluburi. Okokokok. PA

xoxo

Spiel

2009-01-21T18:28:00.000+01:00

Anfangslied/ Titellied – Oomph! - My Soubrette
Aufwachszene – Paradise Lost - Desolate
Ein gewöhnlicher Tag – Claude Vonstroke + Alex Gaudino feat Crystal Waters – The Whistler + Destination Calabria (Acappella)
„Sich Verlieben“-Szene – The Hoosiers – Worried About Ray
Das erste Date/ zusammen essen – Babyshambles – Carry Up In The Morning
Kampf Szene – Edith Piaf – La Vie en Rose
Grausamer Tod – Oi Polloi – Nuclear Waste
Nervenzusammenbruch – The Flashbulb – Alice's Garden
Ernster Monolog – Carter Burwell – The Lion Fell In Love With the Lamb
„Flashback“ / Rückblende Szene - Paradise Lost – No Forgiveness
Fahr-Szene – Mika – Happy Ending
Party – Shanadoo – Think About
Kuss-Szene – Nightwish – Sacrament of Wilderness
Eine lange einsame Nacht – POD - Alive
Ende-Lied – My Dying Bride – A doomed Lover

Da, deci aici trebuie sa alegi melodii pt un soundtrack, dar nu oricum, ci bagand toate melodiile pe care le ai in computer intr-un program cu ajutorul caruia le poti asculta, dai Shuffle si there you go.

2008

2009-01-09T10:27:00.000+01:00

Ianuarie.

Venisem din Romania si eram putin deceptionata, pentru ca stiam ca Alex ma va astepta la aeroport, dar nimic nu va mai fi la fel.
Trebuia sa invat pentru primele examene. Cred ca schimbasem salteaua aia stricata. Stateam mai mult in pat decat oriunde altundeva, deoarece venise Jutta acasa si nu mai puteam sta in bucatarie si intram prea des pe Stickam. Mancam prea mult. Lume stresata pe la facultate.

Februarie, Martie.

Examene. Oribil. Zile ploioase. Fericita ca scapasem, am venit in Bucuresti pentru a ma "relaxa". Am mers la Straja pt 2 saptamani, la ski, cu tata. Fun times si mult stres. Inapoi in Bucuresti, vesti proaste, deceptii, griji. Am mai iesit cu prieteni, dar nu ma puteam distra cu adevarat.
Trebuia sa imi gasesc apartament nou, pentru ca se intorcea Tamara din München.

Aprilie.

M-am intors cu parintii in Germania, ca sa ma ajute la mutat. Cautat cu disperare de apartament, nimic...absolut nimic. D-mna Humboldt mi-a oferit apartamentul de la parter, la fel de mare cat cel in care stateam inainte, numai ca pe acela il imparteam cu inca o persoana. Nu aveam ce sa facem decat sa acceptam. Aceeasi cladire, alt etaj, IKEA, nervi si invatat pentru restante.
Examene, rezultate, viata merge inainte.

Mai.

Nu mai tin minte nimic din Mai. Ah, ba da! Am venit in Romania pentru un concert Anathema. Am stat de Joi pana Duminica sau ceva de genul asta. Frumos. Purtam un maieu galben cu bretele prea lungi. Si, evident, la sfarsit trebuia sa schimb 2, 3 vorbe cu Vincent si inotand prin marea de fane turbate, probabil ca intreaga populatie mi-a observat fara dificultate superbul sutien. Dar nu conta, macar eram mai colorata si mai sexy decat incuiatele alea. =))) De parca asta ar conta.

Iunie.

Deja ma imprietenisem cu Rodica. Nachtresidenz, fun times. Incepeam sa ma mai feminizez, mai slabisem putin. Foarte putin. Statistica. Biblioteca, japonezi, caldura.

Iulie.

Biblioteca. Examene. Vacanta.

August.

Rebeliune. Fericire. Din nou acasa. Vesti proaste, din nou. Escape.
Calin. Mare, ganduri prea multe si inutile. Am povestit cam tot ce am facut la mare in alt blog>>><<<. In primele 4 zile m-am intalnit cu mai multi oameni. Parca toti sperau prea mult. Aiurea. Vremuri ciudate. Comportament de fata iesita dintr-un beci in care a stat 5 ani fara sa vada un barbat. Miscari proaste, irationale, dar mult noroc. M-am intors in Bucuresti, sentimente placute. Pluteam. Cu toate astea, nu m-am putut abtine sa nu ma prostesc. Aiurea. Mihnea. FOARTE ENERVANT. Austriecii, Stefan, Radu :D, Sefu, Flori, Alexandra & Yoob, Octav si prietenul lui cu ochelari ciudati(f increzut tipul, i-as fi dat foc pe loc) si nu mai stiu. "Te iubesc". Bla bla, ziua plecarii.

Septembrie.

Avec mes parents prin Europa. Dor, dar fericire. Budapesta, Praga, Berlin, Dresden, Potsdam & the lovely Düsseldorf. Amsterdam si din nou Düsseldorf. Back home. Biblioteca.

Octombrie.

Biblioteca, Rodica, Claudia, Romanian party (manele & tarani FTW). Calin. Stres. Schimbari PREA MARI. Different worlds. Confuzie. Examene. KK. Party.

Noiembrie.

Nachtresidenz. Sam's. New friends. Alti oameni, alte faze. Twilight movie.

Decembrie.

Craciun! Twilight. Twilight. Twilight. I want my Edward Cullen. Twilight. New Moon. Eclipse. Breaking Dawn. Midnight. Robert Pattinson. Vampiri, mult sange. Cadouri. Party. Sam's. Tobar. Back to Romania. Munte, no snow. Intalnire avec Aloxa & Yoob si alti 3 oameni: Mara, Pisi(nu-i mai stiu numele, dar asa ii zicea Mara hahah) & ? . Mihaela, Stefan. Ziua mea. 20. Nothing very special. Shopping, Hard Rock Cafe, Alex & Yoob. A doua zi, intalnire avec fostii mei colegi. Interesant. Craciun, Doina, Jean, bunica. Ce plasma tare aveau, whoa. Concert Phoenix. F TARE. Club A. Iulia. Andrei. Vlad xD. Cosmin, OH DA, take me =)))) (Edward Cullen wannabe grr hahah). Tocilar. Calin, Razvan, Radu, bla bla bla. Marocan ciudat. Vampire Knight. LOVE IT. Rev la Aloxa. Bal mascat. Morticia.

Overall, weird year. Nu pot trage nicio concluzie.

Love this website!

2009-01-03T23:54:00.000+01:00

http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com

2008-12-26T18:14:00.001+01:00

Sunt in Romania.
Pe moment am din nou acea senzatie ca si cand mi-as infige un cutit in piept si m-as taia pe verticala asa pana in jos, asteptand sa imi cada organele interne pe jos si sa mor. Am imaginea asta foarte des in minte de fiecare data cand simt ceea ce simt acum.

NU POT! Nu pot sa ofer nimanui mai mult. Nu mai vreau sa repet greseala pe care am facut-o de atatea ori. Trebuie sa analizez bine terenul. Sa nu fie doar putin ce imi place, ci MULT. Foarte mult.

Watch the world come alive tonight....

2008-12-13T17:15:00.001+01:00

Am avut un vis ciudat azi noapte. Nu mai stiu exact despre ce era vorba, oricum stiu ca apareau niste persoane cunoscute in el. Si ma uitam la un clip si era asa...relaxant si muzica era...nu prea imi gasesc cuvintele. Probabil ca e continuarea de la fazele de ieri.

Macar pot sa trec in anul urmator, stiind ca persoana care isi facea sperante a inteles ca nu are de ce. Sper sa treaca repede peste. Baietilor le e mai usor. Isi gaseste el pe cineva. E dragut.

Sunt prea complicata. Am nevoie de un tip sigur pe el dar in acelasi timp nebun, care sa ma aduca pe un drum cat de cat mai sigur. Cineva care sa ma adune.

Am ascultat Take That toata ziua. Sunt intr-o stare destul de pozitiva, usor melancolica, desigur. Ce e cu oboseala asta vesnica? As dormi toata ziua. Hibernare? Da, probabil asta explica kg ala in plus. Grrr! The Women e un film foarte slab. Imi pare rau, dar nu e deloc original. Nu-l recomand nimanui.

Am multe idei pe care nu pot sa le exprim asa ca ma opresc si ma duc sa ma culc.

xoxo

For the future

2008-12-10T10:35:00.000+01:00

Daca o sa am copii si daca o sa am o fata, o sa ii dau numele Kali. Charlotte e prea banal. Kali, Kali, Kali. Si daca tatal nu o sa fie de acord, o sa mor.

FYBW2

2008-12-02T17:47:00.000+01:00

Nu, nu a inceput bine. OK e ciudat aici in biblioteca. Te vad toti. Pa.

FYBW

2008-12-01T12:41:00.000+01:00

FYBW started veeery well. Daca rezist azi, voi putea continua pana duminica.

Blondi?

2008-11-30T05:11:00.002+01:00

Where is love? Ascunsa intr-o pereche de chiloti de la Giorgio Armani...nu pantaloni...pantaloni numai de la Diesel...ce Arschloch...sau nu stiu...asa sunt toti in Sam's? Da....6 Decembrie anderswo...macar tipul de acolo ne place. Uof...sunt prea sensibila...da, e o lume plina de aparente care nu inseala. Verschenkt? Mega-arschloch. Cronograf, dar ce? Unde? Nu stiu, nu vad prea bine. Meins! Nein, deins....da, al meu, desigur. Macar atat. Macar onoarea de a intra intr-un taxi prima. Nu, nu s-a intamplat nimic. Ce tampenie am putut sa scriu in mobil...da, usurinta. Usor, usor, cuvinte peste cuvinte. Yugoslavin, ne? Nu, doamne fereste. Urasc slavii. Nu vreau sa ii vad. Nu acum, nu imi strica imaginea, nu.....ma gandeam la lucruri imposibile. Cat de repede s-a terminat. Inca o data. Scriu chiar atat de greu? Imi doresc prea multe? Nu stiu. NU STIU. Nu mai astept. Renunt. Definitiv. Imposibil. Da, total. Dezamagire. I'm dancing with myself. Always have, always will. Ma gandeam acum cateva zile cand am dansat ultima oara cu un tip. Asa, slow...nu slutty cur in p.... clasa a 8-a. Banchetul de sfarsit de an. 8A si 8C. Devastator. Asa se intampla. De FIECARE data. Tu da, el nu, altul. Dar nu il vreau pe ala. Logic. Desigur. Sinceritate pura. Nu imi plac blogurile. Mi-e ATAT de frica sa nu ma expun pt ca lumea sa isi dea seama cat de fragila sunt. OK, am scris-o. Ati inteles. Nimic nou. Probabil ca toti si-au dat seama deja. Da, sunt grasa, dar nu ma pot opri din... nu pot. Am incercat dar nu am acea putere pe care o aveam atunci. Mai bine asa decat cu...ceva ce nu imi place. Nu pot. Exista spiritualitate. Imaginatie. Destul. Destul pentru a-mi potoli setea. Din nou s-a oprit. Nu vreau. Debussy to this. Nu. Debussy punct. Nu ma astept sa apara el. Nu, din fericire. Oribil. Naspa. Tigari. O tona, te rog. Nu ma pot opri. Nu acum, nu aici, in elementul meu cel mai cald si prietenos. Ia-ma in brate. Multumesc, mi se facuse frig. Nu, nu ma impinge asa, ma enerveaza. E lipsa de respect. Puternic. Da, simt frustrarea. O inteleg. Nu te mai chinui. 5 fara ceva? Tragic? Vai, cat de repede trece timpul. Asa e. Zambet. Fad. 5:22 de fapt. 22. 22 22 22 22. Te iubesc. Hmm? Da, mult. Acasa. Cald. Zi, noapte, orice. Twilight. Cum se zice in romana? Sters. Och oh. Nicio spelling mistake. Totul intentionat. Voi intelege. Cand se termina, ma opresc si revin la lumea mea paralela. E mai sigur acolo. Dublu, macar acum. Unde? Nu, nu vreau sa trec pe acolo. Mi-ar rupe inima. A trecut prea repede anul asta. Dor...regret? Pa.

"Debussy to this?"

2008-11-29T13:53:00.001+01:00

Mi-as dori sa pot explica ce tampenii simt acum. Simt ca plutesc. Si totul e la nivel spiritual. Nu s-a intamplat nimic nou in viata mea. Absolut nimic. In fiecare zi e acelasi lucru. Prind mai mult curaj pe zi ce trece, e adevarat, dar asta nu schimba prea multe. Ma simt confortabil in lumea mea fara sens, care de fapt are mult sens. Totul e logic, totul e bine ordonat. Imi lipseste ceva, dar simt ca nu imi lipseste nimic. Ma-ntreb daca toate fetele se simt asa dupa... Probabil ca da. Am renuntat sa cred ca eu as reactiona altfel in anumite situatii. Tot m-as asemana cu cineva. E ok. Nu ma deranjeaza.

Sunt obosita din nou. M-am trezit de la 7:30 ca sa fac curat inainte sa vina dmna Humboldt cu monsieur B si fii-su sa verifice geamurile si sa ma puna sa deschid usa la apartamentul Tamarei si Juttei. In scrisoare scria 10 - 10:30. La 11:20 erau la mine. Totul ok, ne ducem in apartamentul celalalt...Geamul Juttei era stricat. Nu se deschidea. WTF?!?! Nu putea sa le spuna dinainte? Era demult asa. A trebuit sa stau in frigul ala cel putin o jumatate de ora, imaginandu-mi farfurii pline cu mancare...cred ca as fi fost in stare sa mananc un copil cu foamea pe care o aveam sau pe care mi-o imaginam. Dar am scapat si acum ma pot relaxa. Am mancat, credeam ca o sa devorez intreg frigiderul dar 4 sandvisuri micute au fost de ajuns. Sunt usor de satisfacut cand vine vorba de mancare.

Ma simt extrem de insensibila dar plina de sentimente. Clair de lune ma reprezinta pe moment.

Cica am accent frantuzesc in germana. Ok deci conform nemtilor eu as putea fi din: Italia, Franta sau Portugalia. Frumos. Ma asteptam la lucruri nasoale.

O sa revin mai tarziu.

Yay! Mai primim o secunda in 2009! >.>

2008-11-21T19:53:00.000+01:00

But the earth? She is a wandering whore that slows down and speeds up with fictional tides and shifts in the mantle.

lalala

Davidoff = 0 ....:(

2008-11-12T19:06:00.000+01:00

Nu-mi mai bat capul cu probleme. Ce conteaza?! Ce conteaza cum esti?!
Poti sa ai corpul plin de tatuaje si sa fii cel mai tare manager la nu stiu ce firma si sa le acoperi cu un costum si in timpul liber sa fii motociclist si sa te duci la festivaluri gen Wacken prin lume.
Scopul nostru e sa traim cat mai comod. Totul sa fie din ce in ce mai usor. De ce atatea ganduri, atatea probleme ca vai, cum arat azi? Sa nu par nu stiu cum. Realizez si eu treaba asta abia acum. Dar mai bine mai tarziu decat niciodata.
Bine, sa nu fi nici ignorant, sa tii cont de ce se petrece in jurul tau, dar sa nu fi dominat de asta.
Ce usoara ma simt. Plutesc.
Multumesc tuturor pt aceasta minunata vacanta.

Si uite cum iar mi-am schimbat parerea. Acum nu sunt de acord cu ce am scris atunci. Si nici inainte sa scriu asta nu eram de acord. Sergiu avea dreptate. La mare esti un alt om. Poti fii cine vrei si cum vrei. Nimeni nu o sa te judece prea tare. Dar te intorci in viata de zi cu zi si vezi ca aici se aplica niste reguli. Imaginea conteaza! Big time! Asta daca vreti sa ajungeti mai departe dpdv social.

xoxo

Perfection is a must?

2008-11-10T22:47:00.000+01:00

Right?

Wrong. Dar o faci mai departe pentru ca a dat rezultate intr-un fel si intr-un final nu te vei mai putea opri.

Acest post nu va fi despre lectii de viata sau despre parerea mea personala asupra subiectului acesta discutat si analizat ani la rand.
Ce ma cam inspaimanta e faptul ca s-au facut emisiuni in care au fost testate femei perfect sanatoase. Au fost supuse unui experiment, si anume de a trai ca niste persoane suferind de anorexie timp de cateva saptamani (>2) pentru a vedea daca pot ajunge la marimea zero.

Pentru mine a fost interesant. Cred ca si pentru alte fete inconstiente. Sigur ca aia arata acolo ca la sfarsitul experimentului vietile tipelor erau date peste cap si ca aveau probleme emotionale DAR slabisera. Si aratau mai bine. Din emisiunea asta am invatat doar cum sa slabesc si ca e posibil prin consum extrem de mic de calorii si prin practicarea sportului in mod excesiv. Da, orice om normal isi da seama ca asa ceva nu e sanatos. Dar avand in vedere ca doar 18% dintre fetele tinere sunt cu adevarat multumite de felul in care arata, restul va incerca toate prostiile pentru a-si tine viata sub control, acesta incluzand desigur, slabitul. Destul cu aberatiile, daca va intereseaza, uita-ti-va la asta.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4
O gasiti aici http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hIejwRxT5IA

Part 5

Fact <3

2008-11-09T20:33:00.001+01:00

"Women don't like being married to broke men. Women married to broke men get ugly long before they should."

- Bill Britt

Elysium...to dust

Shhhhh....I thought I heard something...

1000 little kittens. And the guy who just came in had a little Yoda toy on his shoulder.

2010 blog entry fail -_-

Beautiful Things....

Bubbles..............(no relevance between the title and the entry)

crazy SHIT! --- I really don't know what to do with this blog anymore...

WHAAAAAA?

Fosta lui prietena.

Vreau sa zac pe plaja intr-o zi placuta de August......:/

Dressed to kill, you look so right; I am drunk with lust tonight.

Pana la urma am postat asta xD - eram la serviciu atunci

Dun dun dun! *dramatic*

No offense, but your friends keep turning up dead.

Things that tend to look the same? Or just bad timing. (+movie trailers at the end)

Some old things I wrote in a notebook

Old English Poetry

2009

I'm so hungry I could eat a baby.

Caffeine in my brain

Desperation

Let's all burn in heaven.

I still want you back

"Dating an older woman. HOT!"

Lucifer is in my pants but I want Mike Patton instead

WTH should I type in here?

I just heard a woman screaming somewhere outside.

Mike Patton movie.

Jurnal din 2004 cand eram metalista adevarata (ceea ce nu inseamna ca parerile pe care le aveam atunci sunt valabile si astazi dar mi se pare amuzant)

Dorian Gray vs. New Moon (these movies have absolutely nothing to do with each other but they're both very important to me atm)

"Somewhere in the attic, there's a picture of you getting prettier."

Splendid!

From now on...

Celulita...IN CREIER!

A new temporary (I think) phobia.

New Moon!!

Ma simt ATAT de goala pe dinauntru

"One or two is early enough for a person who lies till ten" --NOT

My favourite quotes from The Picture of Dorian Gray

Hunger Point (watch it! it ruined my life)

What's been bothering me lately

Vitamine gretoase + mi-as fi dorit sa fie anemie si nu altceva ce include multe calorii

Ra.Un.Cl.So.Le.Pe.Br.Ni.Me.

Y control

Oh boy.

In Romania 8

In Romania 7

In Romania 6 : Mor? =)

In Romania 5 : Hmm

In Romania 4 : LUV

In Romania 3 : I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE IMMORTAL!!! :<<<

In Romania 2

In Romania 1

A little update

Tristesse

If this isn't Ana, atunci nu stiu pe ce lume traiesc.

SLOW

Twilight e o carie care imi roade creierul.

Spiel

2008

Love this website!

Watch the world come alive tonight....

For the future

FYBW2

FYBW

Blondi?

"Debussy to this?"

Yay! Mai primim o secunda in 2009! >.>

Davidoff = 0 ....:(

Perfection is a must?

Fact <3

Dun dun dun! dramatic